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Why do love and change have to be so closely intertwined? It seems that whenever i have a handle on the rules of love they change again so i just move on and begin the process of learning again and again and again. Its a very frustrating cycle. I used to think that if you have feelings for someone you show them and they may or may not return them, but as soon as i made my "moves" she seemed repulsed by me as though i had asked her to marry me but i had just told her that i had feelings for her, so i then learned that it was no longer right to straight out tell someone how you feel and then learned that the rules were now to play hard to get so i kept my distance occationaly saying hello or telling a joke then one day i was told i would never get a girlfriend like that they told me i have to make girls think ive got something great regardless of the fact that i didnt, so i tried it and once again the rules changed on me and all of the sudden girls were all about sex and somehow sex became love i wanted no part in it so i just gave up. Im not aware of the current rules nor am i to sure of the old ones i abided by, so if anyone has any helpful input on this subject please reply
Jan 14, 2004 12:06 # 19014
they told me i have to make girls think ive got something great regardless of the fact that i didnt,
Well if that were true then I wouldn't have been married happily for 7 years with a 16 month old daughter. Since obviously I'm just a normal guy who has normal (average) traits about him.
I'm not sure what the trick is and I'm not going to sit here and lie about some stuff I have no idea over. However I'll offer a little something.
In my case I found the best thing is to first become a friend of the person you want to be close to. Take it nice and slow. Don't be offended if she also wants to go nice and slow. For instance and I know this is not the norm and I'll keep it as good taste as possible. I first had sex with my wife on August 13th, 1995 after meeting her on February 25th, 1995. If this is not the ultimate form of take it slow I have no idea what is. But sex in my opinion is not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal for me was to find somebody intellectually appealing, somebody that could remain on my level and discuss and share feelings that most people are too embarrassed to share with somebody. I first became her friend and likewise for her. However I knew the minute I saw her that she was going to be my wife, dunno how that happened but I instantly bonded with her and everything seemed perfect down to her parents, sister and family. It was extremely bizarre. Like finding your home only it wasn't your home. Similar to Deja-Vu, but on a more profound level.
But if I were to do it all over and go back to the dating scene I'd look for a friend before I'd look for a lover. For me a companionship is a HUGE trait of my relationship. Then it's all about partnership in our family and third is lover. I'm just a sweet guy who wants to be loved and I think that I show my wife about as much love as any guy could, and she does likewise. It's a sweet feeling indeed and I owe it all to the fact that I got my priorities straight the first time. Look for a friend and if things work out maybe she will be the one.