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Ok, I recently turned 20. Summer after graduation in 2002, I met this guy. I knew he was the one, I don't know how but I just felt it in my bones. He proposed that Christmas. I accepted. We set the date for May 04. Well It is now January 04 and it just hit me. I'm not ready to get married. I am so afraid to tell him. I'm a very independent woman and I want to live by myself and support myself. Not forever, but for awhile. I want to move and travel and he doesn't. We fight a lot, we almost never compromise, and every time we get in a fight, if I don't claim all the responsibility for the argument, he storms off saying "you're right, it's my fault, it's always my fault". I love this man with everything I am , but things are getting harder and hared to take. I know he loves me too, but that doesn't make everything ok. I don't know how to go about telling him I'm not ready because I don't want to hurt him or his family. Everyone is expecting us to get married in May. I don't know what to do. I can't see my life without him but yet... I don't know. Help me please!
This post was edited by alyee88 on Jan 16, 2004.
I am 35, and got married to the wrong man for the wrong reasons. You are not the same person you were when you were 15. You are not the same person you will be @ 25. Nor are you the same person you will be @35. There is no rush, don't do it for the wrong reason, as you will be miserable, and or sacrafice the person you are, and want to be. Marriage is a good thing, but only when you've matured to the point where your goals are either acheived or on track, and you feel you have done what you set out to do with your life, that way there will be no regrets. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that marrige is right, or something you're ready for. Talk to him, don't break it off per-say, just communicate. Especially while there is still time. Don't leave him at the altar, don't tell him the day before, and most important, don't marry him unless you're 100% sure it's right for you at this time in your life. Life is hard enough, why make it harder on purpose. Good luck to you! =)
"Your heart is not judged by how much you love, but how much you are loved by others" Wizard of OZ
Well let's see 88,
I thought your original post was sensitive and sincere very caring. May is still three months away, on the other hand Shakespear once wrote," if it were done at all better it were done quickly" [para phrase" go some place crowded or isolated and express that you have something to say. But that you just do not know how to say it. A brief pause and then hand him a print out of your post, your words only. That should be an easy way to get the ball rolling.
My best wishes for a quick and peacefull agreement with no anguish and histrionic
Love is a once in a life time thing, at least real love is. If you really love this guy and he loves you, then you should want to fight through the troubles together.
he storms off saying "you're right, it's my fault, it's always my fault".
If this makes you mad you need to speak up to him and talk about it. Talking is a key to a relationship. Think about it, if you have no communication then you have nothing.
I have had a girl friend for almost 3 years. We fight sometimes but in the end we always talk it out. I know that if I lost her I would be heart broken. I love her with everything that I have. I would not let her go for nothing.
You say that you love this man, correct?? You should then take steps for his own good. If he doesn't want to travel, hten you need to talk to him and explain how bad you want to travel then I think the man that loves you will agree with you and will want to journey with you.
I'm telling you this, if you love this man as much as I love my girlfriend then you will think about what you do before you do it. Dont let this decision haunt you for the rest of your life. You said your self that you cannot see you without your love, so then dont look any farther. Love him and continue to love him. LOVE will come out good in the end.
Trust your self in what ever decision you choose to make. This
post is not me telling you to get married, I'm just saying that you really need to think about what your getting ready to do. I know you said your not ending it or anything but this will break his heart if he honestly loves you.
On the other hand...
If you do decide that you want to delay the marriage for a later date, then I suggest you talk to him right now about it. Tell him your feelings and tell him what you told us on your post. Be as nice as you can to him. Tell him that you need to talk and take him to a quiet and calm place where you can let off your feelings and have no remorse after its over and done with.
Trust me in that whatever decision you make and trust your self that this man will agree with what evr decision that it is. He WILL support and still love you , I promise. Be honest and nothing will be wrong.
there coming to take me away... ha ha
I would try to pull him off to the side one day and just ask him how he would feel if you wanted to set the wedding date back a few months. Find out what he says to that. He may want to know why you want to postpone the wedding. Be direct with him and just tell him that you want him to listen to you and not say anything right away because you want him to hear you out. Tell him that you want to be independ for a little bit. I'm sure he will understand that. Tell him its something you have to do. Don't put it off because May is coming around the corner and when May comes he will be expecting you to walk down the isle with him. What I would do is maybe go out somewhere together where you can both talk and relax and just tell him that you need him to be there for you and back you up.
Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass