Reading RICANPUNKBABE's journal

Jul 28, 2004 16:21 # 24876

RICANPUNKBABE * tells about...

My "not able to control myself" moment.

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Yesterday was a very strange day for me. It started out, not too good like most of my days. Almost everyone was pissing the hell out of me and I just didn't want to to talk to anyone, I just felt like being alone in my own thoughts. Throughout the day, it seemed like I was getting from mad to sad, I do not understand why. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong and I said nothing of course. I don't understand why they don't understand what "nothing" means. I mean,I appreciate the fact that they are concerned with my reason for crying but if they see that I don't wanna talk about it because it makes me feel even sadder and makes me want to cry. Then, I just exploded, I started crying because I just couldn't hold it inside any longer! I'm not sure why I did this, because usually I am able to control myself but yesterday was just different. Anyway, one of the assistants here, Julianna, wanted to talk to me and I sure didn't want to because I don't know her much, and I wasn't feeling like explaining to her my feelings. But then, we started talking and I actually told her about how I get sad alot for no specific reason, and I told her that I was just frustated becuase I was so tired of feeling like this and I didn't think it was "normal"(even though, I'm not sure what that word means). She actually seemed to understand and I felt better afterwards. What's weird is that I don't think I have ever told a person before the way I truly feel.I mean other than some of my friends and people here at NAO. I told her also how I can't talk to my family about stuff like this because the words just won't come out, hard to explain it. I just can't, I don't want them to know how I feel because I don't like them, truthfully I just don't. It's hard, very but I truly believe that what keeps me from giving up and just thinking my life is a piece of s*** is the fact that I know there are many people out there that also feel the way I do, and they don't give up, so why should I? There are also so many people who have worse problems than I do, and they are making it and not giving up. Here at NAO I have realized that and I am just sooooo extremely glad that I have found this site, because even though it is just a "page" in the internet, that "page" has helped me in many ways. I have found friends that are willing to listen to me and I can also say what I want. So this is my way of thinking today.;) It'll change tomorrow...

Let the best of your past be the worst of your future ***

Jul 29, 2004 05:59 # 24882

betty *** replies...

Re: My "not able to control myself" moment.

60% | 2

I used to have terrible emotional outbursts that I could not control nor understand. I would go from angry, to miserable, to sobbing, to laughing my freakin head off. Turns out I had a blood disorder. Now, with medication and a controlled diet, I feel much more stable. Maybe it is something you should look into.

I am just me, searching for simplicity.........and a good hair stylist

Jul 29, 2004 07:12 # 24883

simon18 *** has a suggestion...

Re: My "not able to control myself" moment.

73% | 4

Im glad you were able to talk to someone. i dont mean this in a nasty way but its great hearing you talk about how you feel for me because i can relate so much and its nice knowing im not the only one who has felt that way. i always manage to control myself at work - just. i had to get it out of my system when i got home.

I cant talk to my parents either, or my friends. They all think im some sort of superhuman who is just here to support others. Talking about how i feel on NAO and finding other people who feel the same has definitely helped me though. I dont feel that way at all anymore. I feel really good! So let hat be a lesson to you. If i can find a better day, you will. Just keep your chin up to face the sky and a smile on your face.

Jul 29, 2004 15:41 # 24899

RICANPUNKBABE * replies...

Re: My "not able to control myself" moment.

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Hey both of you. Well I'm glad you guys understand and relate to what I am going through. It is very difficult for me most of the time because I get so confused about the way I feel and the reason for feeling this way. I know that things do get better but it just seems like it takes so long for them to do that. I know I am the only person who can change the way I feel, it all depends on me but it would be so nice to have somebody there who can listen to you and comfort you. At least here at NAO I can write down how I feel and I let it all out, also, there are so many great people here who are willing to help you and I am so thankful for them. So... hopefully things will get better and I will eventually learn how to be happy.

Let the best of your past be the worst of your future ***

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