Reading lostNdelerious's journal

Sep 04, 2004 20:50 # 26124

lostNdelerious *** posts about...

Sick Of Sad

74% | 2

Why do I have to feel so up and down all the time..happy than depressed....I AM SOOOOO SICK OF IT. I'M TIRED OF FEELING NOT WORTH ANYTHING. I'm tired of being either hardcore for God completely the opposite. I'm tired of living two lifes. Why do I feel like a peice of crap. Why can't I just be normal..and not over analyze everything..someone tell me..cause I DON'T KNOW. Happy than sad..happy than sad....Hey..u know what..some people think I'm messed up. I don't care any more. I'm tired of caring about anything. Maybe I am messed up. I can't even begin to explain because it doesn't come out right..but yea..I'm just sick of feeling so depressed I don't wanna get out of bed. And screw you guys..whoever tries to tell me I'm a typical "goth" kid... cuz im a human....not some kind of produce you can slap a label on. I'm not trying to get attention. I just want help. I just wanna not feel like this anymore. And maybe venting helps a little. Just feeling like someone is listening...what is wrong with that? Am I weak? Am I selfish for this...? well screw that. Because I cry for other people all the time. I worry about people so much sometimes I wanna puke my guts out. The world makes me sad because everyone is soooo mean. Everyone hurts each other and tells each other they arn't worth anything. It is soooo un-true. I know what its like to feel like that. No one should feel worthless. I wish I knew how to get out of it. How to make it better for others. Than I might know how to feel better. All the negative things that go on...make me wanna scream. I just wanna scream and never stop and break everything in sight and rip my hair out of my head. CUZ I JUST GET SOOOOOOO SOOO ANGRY. Angry at myself for being so dumb. Angry at the world for being soo mean. Angry at myself for being hipocritcal and being mean to people. Why can't I be hot or cold and not so lukewarm??????? I don't know..I just can't chill out. That could be my problem. Everything has to be black in white with me. my relationship with God...perfect or not at all... Me as a person. Perfect or the complete opposite. My emotions. Completely happy or sooo sad I wanna crawl in bed and never wake up.

Is this how I am supposed to feel? BECAUSE IT SUCKS!!!

when living and breathing is still overated in the eyes of the seeking.

Sep 06, 2004 16:07 # 26252

lostNdelerious *** replies...

Re: Sick Of Sad

Jenny's response to my earlier journal about being so up and down all the time. It's pretty cool what she said. What would I do without my awesome friends.

You're right, you are only human. You are human just like everyone else. And You'd be competely surprised at how many people feel exactly like you...Im one of them. I read this and felt like it was something I would have written. It sucks, and I would try to offer comforting words but all I have to give is the full truth. I honestly believe that the enemy sees your potential in God and what you can do with God. He knows that you are going to help raise those that are dead. You are being attacked just like all of us. But here's a new way to think of it. Instead of thinking the obvious "it sucks", think of it as a blessing. Yes, it sounds totally odd. But its a blessing to know that we are such a threat to the devil that he has to throw things in our way. He knows that with God all things are possible, and with your faith Danielle you are going to be doing amazing things. The devil is doing this out of fear.

The whole drifting in and out of depression is a tough thing. And Im not going to say that its not. Anyone who has dealt with it knows better. I have the same problem you do. I often drift in and out of depression regularly. But bit by bit you learn. Bit by bit you learn control. Bit by bit we stop looking at whats wrong with ourselves. Bit by bit we start looking towards God. Your going to grow out of this one day. God says in his word you will because when you accepted Christ You were a new person. The old skin has shed Danielle. But what I often find myself doing is holding on to that old skin and trying to fit back in it. The truth is Danielle you may try to put your old skin back on (such as depression) but it'll be harder than you ridding of it. You are bigger now than your old skin, and you wont fit in it. Your gifts are bigger, your heart is bigger, and your knowledge of Christ and what he has for you is bigger. God doesnt have this depression planned out for you. He has something better. Just keep pursuing. Knowing that he does have something better for you. We just have to be faithful and patient...

when living and breathing is still overated in the eyes of the seeking.


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