Reading hells_angel's journal

Feb 23, 2005 00:04 # 33349

hells_angel ** rants...

Venting

He's still mad at me. All because I said I was jealous of my mom. What type of answer does he want? I mean she basically can do what she wants to do and doesn't have to answer for it. God forbid I take a damn walk and I have to tell them all when I'll be back. Yes I am extreemly jealous of them all cuz they can be free and do what they want and not answer for it. I know it sounds stupid but I just haven't been happy since I've been home. I feel like I'm under a microscope. If I do something I have to explain why I do it. When I was in school I could come and go as I pleased. I didn't have anyone on my case about anything.

He doesnt get it. He doesn't know what it was like living at home for me. And I don't think it's worth it on my part to explain it all to him. He wouldn't understand.

But more importantly I wish that my mom would stay out of my personal life. She talked to him and she has enough nerve to tell me "he likes you" good for him. f him. it took him 3 months to tell me about his sister and he only took him a few minuets to tell my mom. I mean how close are we when he doesn't take him as long to tell her something that it took him months to tell me. And he wonders why I think that he wants my mom and that he is more interested in being my dad than my boyfriend.

The whole entire deal and mess it is just really makes me wonder why I even try to have a life and why do I even bother trying to keep something for myself and not have my mom take from me. I mean history is repeating itself here. It's not enough for her to have her own damn friends but she has to but into the few friends that I have and all that.

All I'm saying is if she spent half as much energy as she does on trying to but into my life into getting to know me I wouldn't be the way I am. I always came second best to her. My bro's forgive her for that but I don't cuz it's not good enough for me. I needed her in my life when I was 12 but she wasn't there she was always with her friends and she left me to be the parent.

Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass


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