Reading NiQuE's journal

Aug 16, 2005 15:59 # 38086

NiQuE ** takes out her flame thrower...

Money sicken's me

93% | 3

This sucks. It sucks so bad that I almost posted in the "what sucks" forum... but, to atleast some relief, I resisted.

Never-the-less, I am writing a negative post. I apologize, but I am trying to deal with an immense amount of stress and I feel that writing about it is the only non self inflicting way that I should be dealing with it.


I hate it. It's a dirty, irritating, pins and needles in your side for 5 hours parasite that feeds on your brain and insides until you can't sleep or eat because you don't know if you can afford it.

I have just recently bought a brand spanking new computer. Yes, Spanking New. I love it, it is fucking amazing. I have spent 2 weeks thinking about it, pricing it out, and making sure that it fits neatly into my budget.

I know I can afford it. I have done the math 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 6 times... But nooo, that doesn't seem to be enough! I am still so worried about everything...

I have an expensive wedding be part of soon inwhich I will have to purchase my bridesmaid dress, a new $150 haircut/dye, 97.9 cents per litre gas to drive 6 hours to get there....the new computer, SCHOOL for September, food, new school clothes... Oh gosh, the list just goes on and on.

I hate stress. I am usually a very calm and collected person when it comes to most things, but right now I am worrying so much that it feels like my stomach is going to literally fall out of my body. God damnit I wish it would... Then maybe this pukey, dizzy feeling would subside.

So I guess the only thing to do now would be to go through this budget one more time... Just to make sure that I will be ok. Geezee... Whoever invented money should be drug out into the street and shot.

This post was edited by NiQuE on Aug 16, 2005.

Aug 20, 2005 15:26 # 38238

harold_maude *** replies...

Re: Money sicken's me

I totally agree with your thoughts on money. It's pretty lousy stuff, but in order to do anything except walk off somewhere and go live in the trees, you gotta have it.

I have seriously thought about going off and living in the trees. But my survial skills are not where they should be.
It's funny when you think about how "far" we have come.
Long time ago, what people did with little or no money is what people do now when they go on, hunting, going out camping.
They lived like that and lived well, survially speaking.
There weren't as many people out there in need of therapy, or going to a shrink. Why? Because they were all too tired from doing things that had purpose.
We have the technology now and the doctor bills to prove that we are socially advanced.

And we have lost so much in the process. Marriages don't last.
I'm sure there were marriages that fell apart back then too, but my guess from all the things I've read, it wasn't as many.
Families held together better. People had purpose and they knew if they didn't do the daily things that kept food on the table and repairs to their shelter, they would starve and freeze or die of heat exposure.

Now, we can just hop in a car and go to the market, and we have tons of choices as to the market we go to, and spend that hard earned cash to buy a steak, if we can even afford steak.
For me it's more like I can occasionally afford a big package of hamburger and take it and make as many small packages of hamburger knowing exactly how many meals it will end up making...good economics?
No, just the end result of having to work like a dog just to make ends meet.

As far as being able to afford a new computer...well, that's like being able to afford a new car.
Outta the question. I'd have to save my pennies(literally) and hope that some emergancy didn't crop up, like needing some repair to my vechiel which is already in need of repairs badly.
Everything has to be stretched as far as it can.
Right now I'm saving for new shoes so that I can come home after work and not feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to my body.
I work in a kitchen with cememnt floors...I've had to glue the soles of my shoes back on and will have to again tonight since tomorrow is my day off and they can sit for 24 hours to let the glue really dry.
It's all part of being in a society where money is what you have to have to live in the society...(going off in the trees sounds better each day)

But it's all realitive I suppose. Back then, people dreamed of going to the cities sometimes. They thought about all they could do in the cities, lots to see, lots to do. Better access to many, many things. And that's where they went on vacation, that or to the seaside, or if they could afford it, to some other country. That's simplifing it abit, but you get the idea.

So as the techonolgy advanced, and at least some of it was designed to give the ordinary person more free time, what it did in fact was create more need for money...
it became a circle.
The more stuff you had that freed you up, the more you wanted.
People didn't realize what they were trading things off for.
And the circle gets can now make more money, because you have tools that are suppose to make your job, what ever that is, from bringing in a harvest to making clothes to cooking, easier so that you can have more free time.
The person gets caught up in wanting the bigger, better thing, more money and more free time....

Were the hell is my free time?!?

It's all spent trying to pay my off my car, pay for this pay for that. I have all this great stuff that suppose to save me time and money and it's eating both up faster than I can make it....
(going off into the trees and living off the land sounds better and better all the time...)

Your new computer will at somepoint become worn out, faster I suspect than you want it too, and you will get frustrated with how slow it goes, and dream about the latest and newest computer.
I just read an article in the scientific america magazing and they showed a picture of computer hard drive that is about 2 inches long that is 10gig.
And that is the up and when you see that on the market and it's the latest thing, then people just like you will do the same thing you will, work themselves silly to own it.
And it's designed to give you more free time, easier and faster start up, easier and faster access to store more information...but you won't have time like you'd like to spend on that new toy, why? Because your working more hours, and looking for a job that pays better because you now need that money to pay for the new toy....

And when the price of gas gets so high that you have to resort to a simplier mode of transportation, it will take you longer to get to work and longer to get home, and because your body needs so much sleep a night, that new toy will gather dust, and eventually become something you have little time to use, because your spending so much of your life working like a dog so you can have more free time to play with your new toy, free time you no longer have, you begin to see and question is this all worth that much to me, and you do this as the days pass and your body, exausted from the madness of the crazy circle you find yourself in because all you wanted was this great new computer or toy and the free time to use it and now even though you have the new toy, you have no time to use it, you suddenly realize you are a slave.
And all that free time isn't's suddenly very, very expensive, and very, very far out of reach.

Yeah, money sucks. But hey, look at all the new stuff on the market, and for you to have any of that, you have to have that nasty in the trees, it sounds better and better all the time.

This post was edited by harold_maude on Aug 20, 2005.

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