Reading Love and Lifesense

Nov 09, 2001 16:07 # 334

null posts about...

What do you expect from life?

94% | 2

Have you ever thought about what you'd like to look back at when you're, say, 64?

I'm engaged to a woman I love very much. When we snuggle, we usually talk about our future - marry sometime (5/5/2005 would be a cool date, or whenever she finishes her studies), then find a nice house and raise 2 or 3 (but at least 2) children and a dog. I want to be a good father, not working too hard so I find enough time to play with my children.

A year or two ago, this idea would have given me the creeps. I'm still a bit undecided when it comes to marriage (especially since the Swiss divorce law sucks), but I'm getting to really like the idea of a "real" family now. I don't know if it's me or the world that's changed, or probably just the way I see things.

I'm now 24 years old. Statistically that's about 1/3 of my entire life, yet most of my "real" life still lies ahead of me (see above for details). I have an okay job (very nice people, okay work, low payment but big Christmas bonus), a 2 1/2 room apartment in a nice and quiet area and some friends and relatives spread all around the country (always handy when you need a place to sleep after a party. =) Am I still supposed to go to concerts, get pissed on Saturday and grow weed on my balcony? Or should I settle down and work on a little thing that someday will call me daddy?

What do you think: Is there a "plan" in life? Have you had similar thoughts? What are the things you want to be able to look at in 40 years, and say: "Yeah, I did that and it was great."?

...Oh well, must be my philosophic 20 minutes. :-)

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 09, 2001 18:17 # 335

Intelex * posts about...

Re: What do you expect from life?

94% | 2

I will offer my advice in a brief comparison.

2 Years Ago :

Age 18 . Got Hired by Game Dev Company. Making more then enough money to buy a new car, pay for college, live in my parents basement( hey why pay for apartment when you got a huge basement with private entrance), party on the weekends, date any hot girl that walked by me, eventually start my own comapny, live life and not have any worries.

Then 2 days after starting work at Game Dev company, meet Hot Ass Receptionist.

Present Day -

Age - Almost 20. Work for a Oil Company now, doing Programming and System Admin & Enginering. Make enough money to :

Take care of my 7 month old daughter.
Buy a house.
Buy a engadgment ring for Hot Ass Receptionist.
Goto School.
Buy Car.
Start side buisness.

7 month old daughter you say, engadgment ring, house, what that you say ???????????????????????????????????

Shit happens, I got her pregnant, wanted the child, wanted to take care of Hot Ass Receptionist.

Simply put : Things happen you can't plan life, 2 years ago I thought I'd live the "single" life, I was the last person who wanted kids or a long term serious relation ship.In 2 short years everything changed.

But I will say this....the first time you hear the word dada come from her mouth it's enough to make you realize you would sacrifice your life to protect hers.

It's an awesome feeling.

Take your time dont rush things and everything will happen and you wont even know it is happening.

.intelex

Nov 26, 2001 14:18 # 384

Orchid *** smiles...

Don't expect things from life, just do what you like

?% | 1

I am also very happily engaged to a man I indeed love very much but some things are different. From when I was young and played with my Barbie dolls I dreamt of a White Wedding, a nice man, a dog, children and a pittoresque little home. Then, a nasty thing like puberty has been thrown upon me and until march 01 I never ever saw this childhood dream becoming reality. I felt in love with some assholes and I hated myself so much sometimes that all this negatives thoughts about myself didn't entirely go away. I thought I'd never find a man and I'd day as an old maid. It was all shit. Then... one nice free day in february I decided to send an email to the webmaster of the homepage of my favourite cinema. A month later we've been a couple. He changed soo much in my life. He made me feel things I never felt before (very bad moods as well as the biggest happiness in my whole life - there's no place like him :-) We're still together, we're even engaged and I don't regret anything. Of course there are bad moments as they're in every relationship but summa summarum it's what I've been searching for all the years. And it's all I need. Unfortunately we don't live close to each other anymore because I'm studying in a different city and I just see him by the weekends (Maybe you can imagine the sadness I feel when I'm leaving with the last train on sunday eve). Of course I'd like to move together right now because I can feel it's all the right thing but understandable he wants to wait (he's very keen on freedom) and my friends also advise me to wait. I myself see it's better not to rush things, finish my studies and then do it with even more anticipation.
Whatever... it's so harmonious to be with him and to think about a common future: marry him (maybe not white ;-), making love to him by knowing that in the moment our genes will melt together and a new life will be "created": a child (or two, or three ;-) and doing all the things my parents made with me and are now to be seen in the photo album (e.g. taking the dogs out on a sunny winter day with clear air, walking through the snowy paths, holding my husbands hand and watching my children playing in the snow, laughing, smiling.
If this dream will come true (and so I hope) I'll belong to the most happy women in the world... Null, I wan't you to know that you're the greatest thing that could ever have happened to me...

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Nov 27, 2001 12:39 # 429

Ettena *** posts about...

Re: What do you expect from life?

?% | 1

Well to be honest, these posts have kinda horrified me in the beginning because until I had read them and then thought more deeply about this subject my idea of the future had always been NEVER EVER to marry and not to have children since their only job is causing troubles, according to me.
I was horrified because you're people of more or less my agegroup and so I thought 'how the hell can these people fancy marriage and family life if I am just like one of them and so totally against it??!'
This finally brought me to reflect on it and overwork my idea of the future. For example my wish never to have children didn't really fit to me loving children very much; maybe I'm just too scared and perhaps not able yet to take so much responsibility in times when I'm still feeling a bit like a child, myself.
I have to grow up completely before I will be willing and able to be a good mother to a child. But I'm sure this day will come.
Marriage is a different thing to me. I'm afraid I must say that I hate marriages. I don't really know why, possibly because of all this ceremony thing around it, or maybe because I fear becoming like my parents which I absolutely don't want.
It's actually not the more or less everlasting bond of my relationship that scares me so much, mostly I think it's the picture in my mind that I'll become my mum as soon as I marry.
Think I got a deeper problem with that..
Anyway the idea of family life in general isn't too strange to me anymore now, I only need time to mature.

Tschüss, alder Babbsack! Hier parkste richtig.

Nov 27, 2001 13:59 # 432

Intelex * posts about...

Re: What do you expect from life?

?% | 1

To be honest with you, you don't have any problems. The feelings you have are completely normal. No one is ever ready to have a child, you only begin to be ready once the child is born and in your life. As for the marriage thing, that feeling is also typicall. Most people say something to this effect "I don't want to get married till 28, I want to date every hottie the settle down". It may work out this way, you may date hotties your whole life , or date just the 2nd or 3rd one and know that she is the one. I guess to put it all real simple " life can not be planned, only delt with" !

:)

.intelex

Nov 27, 2001 16:49 # 453

null tells about...

That family stuff

?% | 1

I think I know how you feel. In fact, one of the main reasons why I split up with my last girlfriend was her almost obsessive plans to marry & get children ASAP. The idea just scared me like hell. (Funny enough, since we've split up we're best friends.)
I don't know what has changed in the meantime. My current partner (fiancee) sure gives me more freedom (not to mention that I love her more than anything else). I've grown older. And I now see a chance that I can be part of a family without messing it all up. :-)
Usually I'm a highly emotional person. I do whatever I feel is the right (or funny, or pleasant) thing to do. For some months now, I feel that I want to have a wife and some children. I recall my own happy memories - dad playing with us outside, mum baking Xmas cookies, the first family trip to the "Technorama" (sort of a museum, but with lots of "live" experiments and things that can be touched :-) ), etceterapepe. I want to do all of this again, this time me playing the dad part.
I really think we will marry sometime, and I won't force her to sign a statement not to take a lawyer in case we divorce, as I've always intended. And I really think we'll have children someday. Just give some more time.

Life can be wonderful and unpredictable.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 27, 2001 19:20 # 471

Intelex * posts about...

Re: That family stuff

I think you last line says it all !

* Life can be wonderful and unpredictable. *

Nothing is ever planned, I learned this first hand. But it's awesome being a dad, you gain a whole new view of life and the things that happen to you every day. It also makes the Holidays especially christmas more exciting. I know my christmas will never be as fun as it was when I was lets say 10. But I can make my daughters Christmas very memorable for her and that in itself will make me very happy.

Congradulations on realizing how you feel , it's a hard and dificlut process.

.intelex

Nov 27, 2001 19:55 # 476

Orchid *** has all the information you need...

Re: What do you expect from life?

Dear Ettena!

Beyond marriage and getting children I'm also worrying about myself becoming once like my mother.
But... there's a chance not to!
The mother of my grandmother is told to have been a bit strange and forbidding other children to play with mum. She must have been worst.
My gradmother is worse, she can be nice, she just means it good, she sometimes gives me money but I try to avoid meeting her... I can't explain why because my english is not that good but she seems living in the Middle Age or something. She lived in a family where only daddy got meat for lunch... My mother is bad but she is my mother and therefore cares a lot (too much) and just wants to be loved. She's difficult and I don't want you to know of all the bad arguments we always have. (Ask null ;-)
What I want to say is: I won't be that bad. It's getting better with every generation. Gene's are gene's but my dad also had some big influence, we're always influenced by many people (friends etc.) so there's a big chance that we won't become like our mothers no matter how bad behaviours and opinions they have.

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 27, 2001 06:19 # 1062

baexcell *** posts about...

Re: What do you expect from life?

Yes, I have had similar thoughts, in fact they occupy most of my free time, and I am only 18 years old, so I think that your worries are well placed. In reference to your questions, I have learned from experience that trying to paln your life will just cause too many mistakes, spontaneity is the only way to live a happy and full life. If anyone disagrees, then I have this to ask you: WHY?


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