Reading What Sucks

Apr 03, 2007 02:49 # 44323

Deimos ** isn't happy...

One of the few things about my life i hate.

95% | 5

Okay. Simplicity in what i write, though bear in mind im still pretty drunk.

I tried to meet up with hannah and the rest. Didnt happen. Did meet up with James, Kayleigh and Rob.

Without further ado, I will say that I managed to offend Kay without meaning to. Somehow the conversation got around to people with dementia.

Kayleigh took what i said, that shooting would be a kindness, as an offence, and she left quite quickly. I do apologise sincerely. However, let me put forth my perspective.

Anyone can check this, which I suggest they do. My grandma has been in the Sandpipers home, in Cookham, Buckhinghamshire, for the last.... god. Ten years, or so. I dont hold it against my granma. (note im using the english granma as opposed to the polish bubtcha.) I used to live with my granma, so many years or so ago, when I guess my parents assumed i was too young to remember. When i was three or four or so. I still remember drawing in chalk on the patio behinod the house all the railways I used to want to be mine, and even more so, I remember sneaking into my grandad's (Then dead, died in '84,) workshop, playing around with lathes, milling machines and the like. To virtually everyone, its not going to mean a lot, but my dad still has his Vellocette Viper Sports motorbike. Its covered with a layer of fuel oil to protect it from further damage, and to be honest, im tempted to give my dad three grand, even though i cant afford it, except student loanwise, i kinda can, to get this beauty of a bike restored, and on the road. If, and I doubt this, youve ever heard a radial aerocraft engine, a vellocette is kinda like that. It might sound like a bag of hammers, but a beautiful one. Im speaking like an engineer here (and who could blame me?) as opposed to facing up to the truth.

The truth is my granma is basically, a vegetable. I have been there on many different occasions, and I have to hand it to my dad for not starting to cry, and believe me, it makes me start to cry as Im writing all this, that my gran doesnt recognise my dad as her son, or me as her grandson. At the very best She mixes my dad up with me, and me up with my brother with her husband whose been dead since nineteen eighty.

So basically apart from being an arse tonight, i think i did pretty well not to burst into tears as ive seen her like this for the last twelve years since ive lived in flackwell heath beyond the time ive lived in plymouth in ramage close to the time im now living in old mill court. It sickens me that weve basically abandoned her to her fate. When we were young my dad spared alex and i the pain, by send us out to the garden of Sandpipers in Cookham, there is this bird house,avaianarium, or whatever the fuck, for birds, and he used the bear the pain himself. As me and alex used to spend our hours by the pond, by the aviary, wondering about parakeets and the timing of the fountain. I havent thought about this for years, and im crying like a mofo. I hope, kay, that james shows you this and you find yourself somewhat humbled, because what I said was true.

It is easier, both on themselves, and everyone else, if everyone with senile dementia was ended. Because christ knows that after a while of thinking this, im almost ready to end it all myself.

I know, that Kay is of a different mindset to mine, but then, she still has some kind of hope. I do not. Ive seen my dad cry (when was the last time this happened for the rest of you?) that my granma called my dad by her husbands name? that she, by the minute, forgets her son, her daughter, her grandsons? And im not talking just about me, dad, alex, im talking about Susan and the rest. I, personally, have been mixed up with my dad, my grandad who was dead before i was born, my cousins on my dads side ( who to this day I frankly have no coherent idea of who they are, in all the names) which pains me immensely because to many accounts my granma was the sweetest most tolerant lady you could lay eyes on back in the day.

Frankly, its just not fucking fair. So whilst im sorry that Kayleigh has to go through this, and im thoroughly supportive of her walking out on me suggesting that all dementia people should be shot, i dont think shes neccessarily understood my viewpoint, which as so many things, is born under years of pain and tolerance.

Personally, I hope that people die in peace, in the way my gran has been unable to, you lucky fuckers.Of course, in the meantime, i have to contend with the injustice.

Sir Deimos, Beater of Ass.

Apr 03, 2007 18:48 # 44330

null throws in his two cents...

Re: One of the few things about my life i hate.

?% | 2

My grandpa died of Alzheimer's. I think it was especially hard for him in the beginning because he was fully aware of what was happening to him, but still he managed to maintain a lot of his dignity. In the end he just seemed to be happy that some people occasionally visited him and took him out for a walk, or that there was good food.

I agree that it'd probably be the most 'cost-effective' way to kill these people (cost-effective not only in terms of money, but mainly in terms of time and emotional energy), but I believe that in cases like that of my grandpa, a natural death makes it easier to handle it in the long run.

Of course keeping a veggie with no chance of recovery 'alive' for years is just plain stupid. I suppose it's the triumph of irrational hopes over reason.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

This post was edited by null on Apr 03, 2007.

Apr 03, 2007 20:40 # 44335

smashedmotif * replies...

Re: One of the few things about my life i hate.

?% | 1

My great grandmother, her sister, and my grandmother, all had Alzheimer's. Being too young to know it at the time my great grandmother had the disease, it baffled me why she put placed the forks and spoons in heaps instead of sperating them.

As for my grandmother, she died about two years after the death of my grandfather.

My grandfather was a sharp person, and kept busy all the way up to his 93rd year on this planet. This probably explained why my grandmother stayed alive for so long. Her disease was quite severe and until the city ordered her to be placed in a home, my family didn't realize the emotional toll and the physical demand it took day-to-day to care for her.

Once in the home, it seemed as if it were a downward spiral. With in a year, my grandmother was gone.

It hurt to know that she had to spend hours alone in a home. We honestly did our best to keep her in the home, and this is probably another reason why she seemed to continually live.

The dog she owned, a scraggly miniture poodle, probably as ancient as father time, himself, died three years after my grandmother. The dog didn't have Alzheimer's, though, it just seemed to always bark and always want to eat.

At least for now, believing in an afterlife, I know for all the pain suffered on earth, my grandparents now have a whole eternity to bask in God's glory. Even at that, they don't know what pain is, for all things for them have been made new.

This is my solitude.

p.s. that is a nice bike, I think Honda made a couple of models based on that. I'm not a bike owner, I am an enthusiast that likes to look and them. Give me a scooter, though, and fellow motorist better prepare. Or is that beware?

I love reading Russian Literature!!!

This post was edited by smashedmotif on Apr 03, 2007.

Apr 14, 2007 08:27 # 44394

smashedmotif * replies...

Re: One of the few things about my life i hate.

Once in the home, it seemed as if it were a downward spiral. With in a year, my grandmother was gone.
It hurt to know that she had to spend hours alone in a home. We honestly did our best to keep her in the home, and this is probably another reason why she seemed to continually live.

I need to clear up some of my writing here. I meant to say, my grandmother was put in a rest home, and we tried to keep her in our home, the house with family. But, eventually, she had to go to the rest home, and, consequently, in a year she left her body.

We miss Meme, but we know she is in heaven with Jesus. We just know that.

I love reading Russian Literature!!!

Apr 11, 2007 15:21 # 44387

zen *** replies...

Re: One of the few things about my life i hate.

92% | 2

Simplicity in what i write, though bear in mind im still pretty drunk.

On that note, I'll forgive all the tangents.

Your viewpoint is that all people with dimensia should be shot. End of statement.
Small wonder anyone walked out of the conversation with you.
If you posted this wanting to debate your point; just based on what you said, I don't see how you can rationalize the wholesale execution of a sub-segment of the population.

Perhaps it would be for the best if we summarily executed those individuals we find inconvenient or, tiresome, or problematic to treat, or criminals, or sex offenders. Why not get rid of all ugly, intolerable people.
But at the end of the day, after inacting such a policy, you would be left with this question: would you yourself pull the trigger?

Perhaps the condition of the world, society will become that we might need to euthanize those citizens that can't pull their weight--the old, infirm. But in a civilized society, we have to accept those people who are a burden to family, friends, society. Not just because they need compassion, as human beings, but because we should give them that compassion because we are human beings.

I remember seeing my granma in the hospital attached to tubes and monitors. What a crappy existence. She didn't want to live that way, or how the drs. said that she'd have to be afterwards--in a "home." She was a strong, vibrant person who lived independently during her life. Taking away that ability to live freely from her is what really killed her.

I agree it's better for the living to let go of the shell of the person. Part of the materialism of our age dictates that our bodies are ourselves. That's false.
Our spirit and mind is ourself. When that's gone, we as people cease to exist. What's left is the frame.

We do let these people live, because it's the compassionate thing to do, we're told.
I also wonder if it is just that to all concerned. However, I also know that the most precious thing that there is is life--the life of your spirit.

I think it's a barbaric suggestion to shoot someone, period. Mayhaps those suggesting such are, themselves, barbaric; those who kill others are arguably that.
It's just as barbaric to keep the shell alive, when the person is not there any longer (i.e. surviving via machine).
But then what of a "dementia" case, where the person needs constant from caretakers, or the person might do themselves harm, or death? It's just as bad.
Either way, you're in prison.

I personally don't want to live that way, and hope that I'll go out still having all my senses. I don't want to be resuscitated. Just let me go.
But as much as I might have that philosophy, i don't think its right to impose that view on other people. Much the same as I don't feel you have that right to impose your views on others--and not expect you'll get a very negative reaction.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Apr 11, 2007.

Apr 25, 2007 02:05 # 44434

POWF ** throws in her two cents...

Re: One of the few things about my life i hate.

?% | 1

All this kind of reminds me of the "Ceremony of Release" in the book The Giver by Lois Lowry.

Im watching my Grandmother slowly downward spiral into dementia and its quite scary. Until I am at that door myself, holding the decision of someones life in my hands, I cannot form an opinion on how I might feel.

We should of brought a bag of rocks....


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