Reading Love and Lifesense

Aug 13, 2007 18:22 # 44846

guchcha * wants to know...

Sucking situation

40% | 4

It really is difficult adjusting with a girl who had an ex. Everything goes fine until a mail from that bastard arrives..
I have accepted her as she is, but now as the days are passing it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to accept her with any kind of communication with him.

Well the big question is ????????? How to make her discontinue the communication on her own. Any one with an advice is welcome

This post was edited by guchcha on Aug 13, 2007.

Sep 12, 2007 13:34 # 44927

zen *** replies...

Re: Sucking situation

65% | 3

Well, the simple answer is that you can't. You can forbid it, but if she likes him better, or likes you less, that'll never happen.
Perhaps the question isn't how do I "make her" do anything, but rather how do you make yourself more lovable and loving?

After that, you may find you won't have to "make her" do anything, but that she'll want to do what you want of her own free will, because you are just that kinda guy :)

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Sep 12, 2007.

Apr 29, 2008 02:51 # 45735

hastings ** replies...

Re: Sucking situation

94% | 2

Rarely will you find a woman who does not have an ex boyfriend. This is the same for any man. This is a simple reality you'll have to cope with one day.
It sounds like you're a little insecure about the relationship. And by relationship I mean yourself.
I don't believe forbidding her from contacting an ex is a wise move as it might make you seem overly controlling (unless that is what you're going for). Rather, explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable and peeved that she continues to contact him.
In the meantime, concentrate on yourself, your career, and your health. It sounds cheesey, sure, but think of it this way: do better than him. Show some worth, be the man who's better than this guy that it didn't work out with. If he has a BA --> get a MA. If he makes 50k a year --> make 60K. If he can bench 200 lbs. --> lift 201 lbs.
I'm trying not to joke, but getting yourself in order (I don't doubt that you are) should always be the most important thing...right, well, unless you have children than devote all your energy into raising them.

Point being:
You are her boyfriend. The two of you together make this committed relationship. This man is just some fella that didn't make the grade.

If she seems to be in love with him still : forget it. Drop the relationship and move on with your life.

Finally, it get easier. Now you might be stressing about her ex, but it will pass. I can only speak for myself, but there was always a phase in my relationships were I felt sick about my girlfriends past relationships.
I goes away after you become confident with the relationship with your girlfriend.

I sincerely hope this helps a little.
-hastings


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