Reading null's journal

Nov 19, 2007 09:20 # 45213

null tells about...

Six years later

82% | 3

Wow, going back to this thread brings up quite a few memories. :-)

So where am I now, six years and ten days later? A lot has changed, but isn't that what always happens to long-term plans?

A bit less than three years ago Honeybunny and me moved in together. One and a half years ago we married. Last spring we moved to Liechtenstein, into a great apartment close to her parents, and started making plans to take over their house once it becomes too big for them. Honeybunny wanted to stop taking the pill on May 5, our wedding anniversary.

Last week I've made a list of stuff in our apartment and how to split it up, and sometime soon we'll need an appointment with the judge to file for divorce. There's a long story behind that, but suffice to say that the magic has gone and will likely not return.

It goes without saying that I'm not exactly happy at the moment, now that I've lost the person I loved so much and most of the plans I've been living for for the last few years have been shattered.

On the other hand, being proactive and making new plans helps a lot, so that's what I'm doing now. And I'm really curious what I'll think when I return to this place on Nov 29 2013 and read what I'm writing right now, and what will have become of today's plans by then.

The first plan is rather easy. I've almost forgotten how much fun it is to go out drinking with buddies, possibly at a ska or (punk) rock concert. Since October I've seen and had more such action than during my entire marriage, my list of 'fun places to go' has been considerably extended and almost everywhere I go chances are that I meet somebody I know.

The second plan is old, but now I have the freedom to find somebody who will share this dream of mine. When I've saved enough money, I want to buy an old transporter (Renault Master, VW LT or Mercedes Sprinter) and retrofit it as a motorhome during the course of two or three years. This means potentially fixing a car, planning and building the interior with my own hands (and maybe those of a buddy or two), designing and building lots of electronic gadgets, some plumbing and some mechanical work on the transporter itself. I get to create things out of wood, metal, plastic, fabric, you name it, and all on my own. When that's all done I'll not only be the happiest and proudest motorhome owner in the world (considered the thing still rolls), but also have the means to take two months off work, start the engine and drive wherever I hope to find something interesting.

The third plan is to reduce my life to a minimum. I currently live in a beautiful 110m² apartment with comfort ventilation, a big-ass balcony, a Star Trek-style stove without buttons and knobs and a heated garage. I've got a decent car and four computers and tons of all kinds of stuff in shelves. I eat out once or twice a week.
All these things are nice to have but I don't really need them.
I'm a lucky guy because I don't need much to be content, but I can get pleasure out of almost anything I have. A few weeks from now I'm going to put that superpower to the test.
Travelling is easier with light baggage, and every luxury item I can do without means more money on my bank account - money I can save to eventually make bigger dreams possible.

These are my new dreams. I'm looking forward to turning them into reality and am eager to see what else life will throw my way.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 19, 2007 09:38 # 45214

andromacha *** replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 2

My heart is with you, Bernie. There is nothing more to say: be strong, and chase your happiness wherever that shall lead you. And, most importantly, be sure of all your decisions from now on, and be confident in yourself and your abilities.

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Nov 19, 2007 11:07 # 45216

null smiles...

Re: Six years later

Thank you.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 19, 2007 11:37 # 45217

charlie *** replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Even though I don't know either of you in reality, I'm really sad.

Let me say that happiness never lasts, anywhere. With computers, motorhomes, drinking, rock shows, travel or even in marriage. That's why you aim for something bigger than happiness; you aim for something outside yourself.

...That's my opinion, but I don't have any room to talk. I'm currently in a dating relationship purely for fun and happiness. We know that won't last forever.

Take care, the both of you. I hope you find Peace.

Please contiune to vote AND post.

Nov 20, 2007 00:01 # 45218

ginsterbusch *** wants to know...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Ah yes ... a totally different question: what happens to NAOs home? ie. this very server?

gonna move it back to Germany or some racket space?

if you're going to do one of those things you mentioned above you probably want to put out this thing, too...

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Nov 20, 2007 08:11 # 45219

null has all the information you need...

Re: Six years later

The server comes with me, if possible NAO will stay on it. Otherwise it will be moved to another server in Switzerland or the US. If all goes well interruption time should be minimal.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 20, 2007 08:44 # 45220

andromacha *** shakes her head...

Nao... the least of null's problems

?% | 1

Guys, I think that Netalive should be really the least of null's problems at the moment. If it is going to be offline for a while... well peace. I mean, I know that our forum is important for all of us, and I am the first one who will miss not being able to reach it at least once a day, but right now I don't think that we should worry about the server so much.

Bernie is facing a hard time in his life, and instead of worrying about where the server shall be, when it shall be moved, what we'll do in the meantime, whether there is going to be some offline time for netalive.org or similar questions, we should be close to Bernie (and Tamara for that matter) with our thoughts, our support, our friendship, and our love.

I am not so interested in where the server will be moved, or how long it will take it to be back online, rather I care more about our friend here. Maybe it's because I met him also in real life, I don't know, but I just wish that for once we weren't so interested in such material things, which are idiotic if compared to the pain Bernie is going through.

Really, the only thing I could be worried about would be not being able to reach Bernie if the server is offline. (I will say it here now, so you have proof that I will be trying to contact you, Bernie) I will rely on smses, but since they screwed me over in the past, I am really only worried about not being able to talk to him, and know how he's doing. That's the only reason why I hope that it won't take too long for nao to be back online.

So, Bernie, take all the time you need to fix things up. I will also buy an international card, so I can call you if I need to :P Peace. *kiss*

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Nov 20, 2007 11:20 # 45222

ginsterbusch *** replies...

Re: Nao... the least of null's problems

Guys, I think that Netalive should be really the least of null's problems at the moment. If it is going to be offline for a while... well peace. I mean, I know that our forum is important for all of us, and I am the first one who will miss not being able to reach it at least once a day, but right now I don't think that we should worry about the server so much.

Well .. somebody had to ask the question. In any case, I'd be happy to help at least with that probably lesser problem ;)
Whether it'd be putting the server up into some rack space located at one of my (webhosting) friends' sites or helping to move it elsewhere.

Aside of this, I'm happy to know that you're thinking forward again, Bernie! I know how such a situation can fuck up your whole life (not to mention the shattering etc.).

Well, maybe you would like to come over here to Karlsruhe for some days? It aint that far from Liechtenstein or Switzerland, in any case ;)

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

This post was edited by ginsterbusch on Nov 20, 2007.

Nov 20, 2007 11:20 # 45221

MelMel *** replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

You know that plan is all well and good my dear null... However you've neglected to mention when in this plan you'll be coming to melbourne to party on my beach with me. We have the greates pubs in the world.

You lack effective planning skills :P

-mel.X.

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Nov 20, 2007 22:08 # 45225

null smiles...

Re: Six years later

However you've neglected to mention when in this plan you'll be coming to melbourne to party on my beach

You know, if I ever manage to fly to Oz you'll know it the moment you get an SMS saying "I'm lost somewhere in Melbourne, how the fsck do I get to your place now, and where's my luggage?".


Seriously, thanks y'all for your kind words. I'm a lucky guy to have so many supportive friends, both in real life and in cyberspace. Without that constant influx of sympathy, moral support and invitations to get drunk I'd probably be sitting in a corner crying by now. No, really.

As for Karlsruhe, I've been thinking about a weekend trip there for quite a while, but at the moment I'm just way too busy. But I'll eventually make it, and then the first keg of beer is on me!

The NAO server can stay where it is for the time being. Even if I'm actually moving out of here next week the old place and 'net connection are still available to me; the only reason why I might take the server with me is because my MP3 and movie collection is on it, and then I'd simply move NAO to another server. In any case, if NAO goes offline the outage will be relatively short and announced early.

Everything else remains to be seen, I really have no plans beyond the first half of next week, nor the ability to tell what will happen afterwards.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Nov 26, 2007 22:30 # 45228

null tells about...

Re: Six years later

This is a beautiful song, and performed so skillfully. I believe I am a simple kind of man. Now, how do I find a simple kind of woman...
(The first person to post the name of the song & the band without googling it wins a virtual high-five.)


Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time, don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

This post was edited by null on Nov 26, 2007.

Nov 27, 2007 08:24 # 45234

andromacha *** replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

I think I've heard it by the Deaftones, and the title is "simple man". However, I am not sure if it was a cover or if theirs is the original version. I think it was a cover to be perfectly honest, but I would need to google to find it out. Therefore, I am not gonna google for it, and I will pray it is the right answer :P

*high me five, baby!*

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Nov 27, 2007 08:34 # 45235

null replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Well, the original is by Lynyrd Skynyrd, but you get extra points for knowing the Deftones. High-five, baby! :-)

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 07, 2007 14:30 # 45268

null tells about...

So...

?% | 1

So for anybody who cares to be kept up to date (i.e. me in ten years), some kind of order appears to be about to return to my life.

Last Wednesday, after living on a mattress in a friend's study for five days, I've moved into a big old house with a bunch of other people about my age and am planning to stay there for the time being. At that time I wasn't quite sure how well that'd work out, but if you never question your personal limits you'll never know where they are or whether they're changing over time, right?
Anyway, the place is not bad and the people are very friendly and easy going. There's certainly some work that needs to be done, e.g. insulating some windows and pimping the circuit lines so that my heater won't shut off the light in the next room, but we have hi-speed internet, a real and well-equipped bar, a smoker's lounge and a very effective beer supply system.
Even though I now can't raid the fridge in my undies at night anymore, a flat share does have its advantages: I'm hardly ever alone (except if I want to be), I get to know new people and their friends, we can do stuff together and when I cook it's not for me alone. And of course it's much cheaper than an own apartment.

Today my soon-to-be ex-wife has finally managed to make an appointment with the judge to file for divorce, so if all goes well I'll be officially 'free' again next Friday. Where the way leads from there, I don't know. I'll probably be a single for a while, which is a bad thing because I'm feeling a bit lonely, but which is also a good - and necessary - thing because it gives me the time I need to sort my life out as I've planned to. Besides, it seems unlikely that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

(This is a very self-centered post, but what the hell, this is my journal, right?)

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 07, 2007 16:42 # 45269

andromacha *** replies...

Re: So...

?% | 1

Just keep it up Bernie. Like I said before when we chatted, it is important that you stay focused on your goals, so that you don't get lost along the way. Things end, new things happen, just keep chasing your dream, and you'll find your way.

Neil's brother got divorced after 5 years of marriage (I think you and I talked about this too), and it seems that now he found the real right one for him, going to propose this Christmas if I understood it well. He's almost 33, and probably won't get married until 2009, so as you can see you're not the only one in this situation. The important thing is to go on with your life, and to pursue what you want to achieve.

In Italian there is an expression that goes "si chiude una porta, si apre un portone"; I don't really know if there is an English equivalent, but literally it would sound like "a door closes, a gate opens", and it may not be the correct idiomatic expression, but I still think it renders the idea of what I am trying to tell you.

So, keep it up, and do keep us updated (or at least me of all the Naoiees) :P

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Dec 14, 2007 11:52 # 45298

Hawkeye *** replies...

Re: So...

?% | 2

"When one door closes, another opens."

Yes, we have that expression. :)

Even though I now can't raid the fridge in my undies at night anymore...

Consider yourself fortunate you didn't have my roommates in college. It was always a pleasant surprise seeing your roommates dressed in as little as conceivably possible because they were too lazy to walk to the opposite side of the room to put on pants before raiding the fridge.

And then one of my roommates was squimish when it came to nudity, so of course it meant one of my other roommates would intentionally expose himself in order to freak him out. :)
One time he asked him what time he had on his wristwatch when it wasn't a wristwatch drapped over his wrist....

Things will look up, Bernie. You've probably already noticed that things have improved. It only gets better from here on out. We all have ups and downs, and it takes a truly weak-willed person to give up when they're down, as it is always temporary. You'd probably get along well with my brother.

If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done

Dec 15, 2007 11:06 # 45299

null replies...

Re: So...

"When one door closes, another opens."

I think around here it's a window that opens, but the core statement is probably the same.

so of course it meant one of my other roommates would intentionally expose himself in order to freak him out.

Ahahah! That's the spirit.

You'd probably get along well with my brother.

I've never met him, but if you say so :-)


But as a matter of fact, yet, things are looking up. Over the course of the last three weeks I've made a bunch of new friends, both contributed to and received a lot from the community that is our flat share, and quite probably consumed more alcohol and weed than during the entire first three quarters of the year. Long-time friends tell me I've changed for the better and am noticably more laid-back now. If I also had somebody to cuddle, all aspects of life that really count would be as close to perfection as they probably can get.

Thank y'all for your support and listening to my whining.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

This post was edited by null on Dec 15, 2007.

Dec 16, 2007 12:00 # 45302

Salvial_Ten *** replies...

Re: So...

?% | 1

Pah, I don't offer support. I come here for the entertainment!

No, I'm kidding. Good to know things are looking up for you. I don't talk to you much these days but I still think of you as a good friend. Email me sometime. =D

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

Dec 16, 2007 12:23 # 45304

null wants to know...

Re: So...

I come here for the entertainment!

I see. So are we to discuss my sex life now, or are you more of a fan of tragic romances as such?

I don't talk to you much these days but I still think of you as a good friend. Email me sometime.

So you're romantic after all. :-)

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 16, 2007 17:08 # 45305

andromacha *** replies...

Re: So...

It's good to know things are turning better for you, Bernie. Neil and I are still waiting for you to give us the okay to call you sometime so that we can chat a bit. You know I wasn't gonna do it without your permission, so that you can build yourself up psychologically to talk in English :P We could talk in German of course, but I am afraid I am even rustier than you are with your English. Plus I have never been proficient in your weird Swiss dialect ;)

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Dec 16, 2007 18:03 # 45306

null replies...

Re: So...

so that you can build yourself up psychologically to talk in English

Haha, that's very considerate of you. :-)
Feel free to call any time you like, just don't be disappointed if I'm not around. Somehow there's always something going on in the evening.

Plus I have never been proficient in your weird Swiss dialect

Well, our two German flatmates have told me that my German is very good (for a Swiss anyway), but for you I'd of course switch back to my Swiss dialect since you appear to prefer that!

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 17, 2007 06:20 # 45307

Salvial_Ten *** replies...

Re: So...

Well, maybe just a bit of one. ;D

Anyway, I don't know what'd be funnier the story of my love life or sex life.

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

Dec 17, 2007 11:39 # 45313

null replies...

Re: So...

Well, maybe just a bit of one.

Awww...! Group hug!

I don't know what'd be funnier the story of my love life or sex life.

More sex is always better. Ask the guys in Hollywood!

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 18, 2007 09:51 # 45317

Salvial_Ten *** replies...

Re: So...

Indeed. Here! Here! And Three Cheers for more sex!

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

Dec 18, 2007 23:08 # 45320

ginsterbusch *** rants...

Re: So...

So .. the Internet is all about sex and violence.

*SCNR*

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Dec 19, 2007 13:00 # 45321

null agrees...

Re: So...

So .. the Internet is all about sex and violence.

Of course it is. That's both a scientific fact and known well among artists!

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Mar 31, 2008 08:57 # 45647

Stoic_Slaughter *** replies...

Re: So...

?% | 1

I just logged in to say hello, so basically, you're a pretty big deal. Haha.

I hope things have been looking up since this entry.
Divorce is hard. :(

But love will find you again...
and again, and again, and again.

And the good times are always so much better than the bad,
so let it back in when it does find you.

For my next trick, I shall make you all disappear.

Mar 31, 2008 19:29 # 45652

andromacha *** replies...

Re: So...

?% | 1

But love will find you again...
and again, and again, and again.
And the good times are always so much better than the bad,
so let it back in when it does find you.

I have the idea that love already found him again ;)

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Jul 25, 2008 19:56 # 45911

ReallyCoolDude *** wants to know...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

It's really sad to hear this Null. It hurts to hear about any relationship getting broken. How is life treating you after so many months after that episode? My best wishes are with you.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Jul 25, 2008 23:05 # 45912

null feels excited about...

Re: Six years later

Holy @*$##, dude, is it really you? Hello, man, you've been missed! :-D
I for one can't really complain; as you can read (if you're appropriately bored) in my last two journal entries I've been lucky enough to land on my feet after the divorce. But what about you? Are you still living in Canada? I think the address you gave me, hmm, maybe two or three years ago, is no longer valid. Are you and your family doing fine?

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Jul 29, 2008 01:20 # 45919

ginsterbusch *** feels excited about...

Re: Six years later

Holy @*$##, dude, is it really you? Hello, man, you've been missed! :-D

yeah, me too .. holy fucking molly! RCD, where have you been man!

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Jul 29, 2008 08:26 # 45924

ReallyCoolDude *** replies...

Re: Six years later

Hi Bernie, it's nice to read your journal entries and find you much happier now. I wish you the best. It's nice to be back too and I missed NAO too. How is everyone here, and what has NAO been upto? I haven't really checked the site much in last couple of years - was too occupied with a lot of things, some of which I have mentioned in my last 2 journal entries. Yes, my previous address is invalid since we bought a new house here.

Good to know that you are doing well.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Aug 01, 2008 11:17 # 45940

null smiles...

Re: Six years later

Good to know that you are doing well.

Thank you, and the same to you. It looks as if you've had two rather interesting years, too! (And isn't it funny how much of our life has been documented on this site?)
So it looks like you're planning to stay in Canada?

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

This post was edited by null on Aug 01, 2008.

Sep 08, 2008 08:57 # 46006

ReallyCoolDude *** agrees...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Hey Bernie,

Yes, indeed. A major part of my life has been documented pretty well at NetAlive. One day, when I do become famous, I will request you or Jaz to export all my posts and that could become part of my (auto)biography. :-)

As of now, yes, I am planning to stay in Canada, but once I get my citizenship, I will have a lot of options open, and I haven't speculated on that yet, but yes, so far it looks like, I have found a home, and am quite happy. I am glad that I am not one of the 56% Americans who still find it hard to decide between a clone of Bush or someone who would actually be progressive for their country (and the rest of the world). I am really happy that I decided to settle down in Canada.

At one point in my career here in Canada, I had 14 people reporting to me, all from different cultural backgrounds - 2 were from Russia, 2 from Israel, 2 from China, 2 from UK, 2 Canadians, 2 Romanians, 2 from USA; where else in this world would you find such cultural diversity! I am really happy that I ended up making a choice and coming up over here. Canada has provided me every opportunity that the USA didn't.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

This post was edited by ReallyCoolDude on Sep 08, 2008.

Jan 02, 2009 21:31 # 46175

rosyxxx *** wants to know...

Re: Six years later

Hey Bernie,

Every once in a great, great while I get a chance to get online and visit. Having read this post, I remember the letter you sent when all of your plans with "honeybunny" went to hell in a handbasket. I am sorry that all of that happened, and I wish I could have been there to be a resource for you, as a friend. I however, truly and honestly lost your address,after sending one letter. The 6'5" child I was dating at the time saw your letter, and was very jealous that I was getting letters from a man in Switzerland, and I expect that had something to do with it. No amount of explaining that you were simply a dear friend would make sense to him; consequently he is gone, and so is your address. Hmm.

I tried several times to log on here, infrequently, and communicate to you my e-mail address, so that there could be some sort of contact, since I have no computer, but I DO have a phone which receives e-mail. I thought maybe, somehow, I could communicate with everyone by e-mail, but I can't give it out here, since I don't know for sure if the same stalker who caused so many problems when I was here before, is still here. I'd prefer he not have ANY access to me. Do you see how this has presented a problem in communicating?

Again, let me add that, having read that last letter, I was deeply saddened for you. Reading this post, it sounds as if you have dealt with the issues between yourselves well, and are moving on. I am very happy to see that. I would love to be able to log on here regularly to say "hi" to everyone, but since that is not possible, I had thought that you could be the 'liasion', so to speak, and communicate through e-mail, potentially giving my e-mail address to Wolf,Elena and others...since I have no intention of posting it here; the reason being the stalker that I had way-back when, whose antics helped to destroy many friendships on this site, is likely still reading this site, on occasion, in hopes of finding out something about me. Though some of you here may not think so, standing on the outside, he could cause me great harm, financially and otherwise. My life is none of his business, so therefore I will not be writing here about myself. BUT, I would like to be able to e-mail back and forth with you, null, and Elena and Wolf.

To that end, I'll try periodically to log on, hoping to see you online, and get your address again, so that I can 'snail mail' my e-mail address to you...Unless, of course, you have no desire to communicate with me. Having tried several times to communicate with you here through brief posts, I am wondering if I am just supposed to get the hint that you don't want to talk to me, for some reason. I can't imagine why, though. I'd love to hear about what is going on in your lives, and share mine as well. Through e-mail, which I can check on my phone. Not here. I reiterate, I don't have access to the computer that often, just my phone with e-mail capabilities. I also have no intention of potentially being "visible" to my stalker, whether he is here or not. I hope I have done nothing recently to offend any of you, and for offences in the past, a pardon would be really nice. Please do try to at least 'enlighten' me on the subject, if you can...and until then, Happy New Year 2009, much love, and good luck with all your "motorhome" plans.

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.

Jan 05, 2009 18:25 # 46178

ginsterbusch *** replies...

Re: Six years later

You could also simply send me a direct mail including your phone number, or give me a call ;)

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

This post was edited by ginsterbusch on Jan 05, 2009.

Jan 12, 2009 21:27 # 46181

rosyxxx *** replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Hey Wolf! Sorry I couldn't get back sooner...it IS awkward for me. I can't call you, since I don't have a 'landline' phone, or ANY phone which will call long distance. Sorry. :( I'll e-mail you my e-mail. Would love to hear how you are doing through e-mail, which I can check. Meanwhile, what's up with Bernie? Should I just stop trying to contact him? Did I piss him off in some way I don't know about? Because if I did, my life is way too busy to keep trying to contact people who don't want to talk to me - if that is the case it is highly unfortunate. I've tried enough times that my feelings are now hurt. I thought he would be a good person to get my e-mail to everyone...

However, since that appears not to be the case, please do pass my address on to Elena and Hawkeye. Last I heard they were engaged, and Bernie was flying solo. I gather that Bernie is now connected again, and that makes me smile!!!

Anyway, thanks to all of you. You, Wolf,Bernie,Elena,and Hawkeye in particular for helping so much and being so kind while I was being stalked here on the site and offline. Thank you for all your kindnesses and love. And thanks again Bernie for all the chocolate. Thanks are due as well to James and Wendy for their love and support until all the craziness deteriorated into meanness. If they ever want to bury the hatchet I am always open. I've already said I'm sorry a bizillion times, but sorry again. Lots of love to everyone.

Sorry for any offense I caused, or that my stalker caused. And for the record, I am currently 41, and am not my mother. That post that set Wendy off was purely creative writing. I think there is even a section of the book "House of Leaves", and many other books and writings where the authors temporarily assume a different identity. I didn't think it would be that hard to figure out I was comforting myself with a "posthumous letter from my mother", considering how much I divulged about myself and my family prior to the post. Taking liberties with my journal is not like what my stalker was doing to me, AT ALL!

The whole mess was highly unfortunate, and I guess, you Wolf, more than anyone else, maybe, might actually understand that as well as I do. People have misunderstood you alot around here as I recall...I guess we all can be jackasses, huh? I know I am one at times, because, wow, I'm human.

So, if I don't hear from Bernie, his loss, and I'd be happy to hear from you. But please do me a favor and tell everyone I said thank you for everything they did for me several years ago. I was very, very, very grateful, and still am. Were it not for those kindnesses, I might not be hale and hearty and healthy as I am now. Miss you all much. Keep in touch, if you'd like. Nothing should be so bad as to warrant unforgiveness. I even hugged my stalker when I saw him in the park two years ago. And if he were to stop being such an evil fuck, I'd let him back in my life, yes I would. I'd rather be more than at peace with everyone; I'd rather we were all friends again... personally, but that's just me, I guess. However, I see myself and the people on this site changing more readily than that asshole probably ever will. But hope springs eternal, huh?

Well, feel free, Wolf to fill me in on what's happenin' with you, and if you e-mail me with your address, I will do the same. Take care, my friend in the ghoulish makeup, and hope to chat soon...

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.

Dec 02, 2009 15:10 # 46633

Intelex * replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Life is a funny thing, I used to be active on this site when it was first born. Then I got married had a kid, etc. Then I got divorced. (Then today I did a google search for my username to see what sites I was found on, then I found net alive again.) It's been three years now and I can tell you it's all for the better. Live long, party hard sometimes, and love life. Someone will eventually come along again one day that will make you want to risk it all again. Safe journey my friend!

.intelex

Mar 20, 2010 01:20 # 46735

Jen * replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Somehow I just stumbled upon this post and started crying all over again - i'm in a similar situation, although i realize you're half way through the other side, seeing how the post was written over two years ago...

wanted to see how your doing and where life has taken you...

"Smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just smile."

Mar 20, 2010 12:26 # 46736

null replies...

Re: Six years later

?% | 1

Oh dear. Consider yourself virtually hugged. I'm afraid that's all I can do from here, but at the very least it's heartfelt and free. Do you feel like talking about it?

Clichéd as it sounds, I still consider 'my' divorce to be one of the best things that have ever happened in my life. It has given me (back) so much freedom. I'm still living with my girlfriend of now 2 1/2 years. She's sweet, very supportive of my plans and does all the cooking, housekeeping and laundry when I'm bogged down with exams. What more could a man ask for? In exchange I take care of her tortoises and massage her feet.

The divorce itself wasn't easy and I can't repeat this too often, I consider myself a very lucky person to have had so many supportive friends during that time. On the plus side, the divorce and the events that lead to it have taught me a lot about myself and life in general.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Mar 26, 2010 14:57 # 46741

ginsterbusch *** wants to know...

Re: Six years later

events that lead to it have taught me a lot about myself and life in general.

As in "finally awake"? Since being out of my past relationship I do feel not just changed but like I was living half asleep / dozing off and only now have awoken completely. That is, before I didnt know where to head to, and mostly my former beloved one did the directioning, but nowadays I'm the one who is leading the way...

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!


Small text Large text

Netalive Amp (Skin for Winamp)