Reading Love and Lifesense

Nov 30, 2007 11:42 # 45238

MelMel *** rants...

Men to boys

*Sigh* i never thought i'd see the day where i'd post here... But what the hey, right?

This isn't so much a question, or request for adice so much as it is a general rant.

So there's a fellow that i've known going on two months now. We go to the same pub every thursday. He'd hooked up with a friend of mine previusly and i had honestly taken no notice of him whatsoever... Until last thursday. I was quite drunk (you'll start to see a pattern with this soon) but i was with it enough to know i was being wooed...Pub style. Nothing happened, we exchanged numbers at the end of the night. We exchanged number at the end of the night and did a bit of flirting. I saw him the week after, downed roughly 30 drinks, and dragged him home. Oops?

Now i'm not some sappy, whiny teen who expects him to love me. Hell, i thought we were just having a one night stand and that we'd move on pretty easily. He's older than i am, and had far more partners in many different types of relationships. However i didn't hear from him essentially all week.

Mel got a bit worried. I knew i'd be seeing him the following thursday at the greatest pub in the world and i sure as hell didn't want things to be awkward. So i sent him a message basically saying that i didnt want things to be awkward between us for the sake of our friends, and also ourselves. I just said i was going to leave it all completely with him, im totally easy-going, call me if you want to, otherwise i'll see him round with the gang. He replies with the standard crazy drunk night, lets cool it and stay friends.

I believed him. It honestly didn't phase me. Sex means nothing to me emotionally. It's just a physical activity i enjoy, rather a lot. But in terms of propositioning him, well i had the same emotional attachment when i asked my friend to be my gym buddy. So i thought, awesome, we've got a plan, now let's roll with it.

The next night at the pub he couldnt even look me in the eye. Loser decides he has the emotional maturity of a sponge and behaves like a 12 year old all night. I couldn't decide whether to wet myself laughing or get angry at him making everyone else so awkward. I went up to him early on in the night and tried to start a conversation, and he grunted. I patted him on the head and told him that while we was sitting alone with all his friends he might as well mind my bag like a good boy. Heh. That went down well. By the end of the night i got basic conversation out of him by being my usual self... Essentially acting like an utter tool on the dancefloor and being my usual high energy ball of joy. And even got a polite goodbye hug. But my lord it took a lot of work.

I could be wrong but i think he's pretty damn lucky. Im a teenage girl...Shouldn't i be the one pulling this stuff? I dont know about anyone elses experiences, but i dont know how many others find a girl who throws out the idea of being beneficial friends, emphasising the fact that she wants no emotional attachment, and is prepared to keep going as mates after being rejected. I'm well aware of the fact that i'll be the girl his friends bag him about "you woke up with her?!" But really, does it matter to me? Not overly. It's only a body.

Conclusion: Boys are weird.

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Nov 30, 2007 15:52 # 45239

andromacha *** replies...

Re: Men to boys

Sex means nothing to me emotionally

Wow that's sad, Mel! I guess you're the first girl I know who gets laid because she wants to get laid, no matter if there is some emotional feeling with the guy or not.

I cannot really consider sex like that; I know I would not be able to get to bed with someone I am not even slightly in love with. But who knows... maybe things will change for you too once you find your soulmate :)

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Nov 30, 2007 21:05 # 45240

Rocket * rants...

Re: Men to boys

?% | 1

Howdy Melmel,

Interesting rant, but I don't understand how he would be the lucky one outside of maybe you would be his first f*** buddy, but then even F-buddies have repeat performances. I'm not sure you would be hte lucky one either, since most guys I know like him are just looking for a place to unload a sack full of sperm, and they prefer a woman drunk enough that hopefully they wont remember him the next day anyway. I think if this scumbag you pal around with at the local pub is the best you can drag home, there is probably a reason for it.

I can't say much about a guy that bags a chick after she has had 20 drinks, but 30, yikes. I guess its because I am the type of guy that finds nothing appealing about a drunk chick or alcoholic chick no matter how good looking she is. The sex is lousy, the conversation is worse and typically, they lack an education, an intellect and on well on their way to repeating their parents mistakes and lead miserable lives. A product of their raising? Probably. More times than not this an example of the social gutter at work. And yes, I have been slumming at the bars before, so I am not without guilt. Birds of a feather flock together, they say.

I think I would just look past the entire situation. I mean, the guy is obviously not someone anyone would call a buddy or pal to hang out with, and it doesn't seem to matter to you what you drag home, so in this situation, I would just pretend he doesn't exist and consider which rung of the social ladder you cling to. Who cares what he thinks, says, before, after or at any time anyway? Chances are, real men are feeling the same way about a chick that drags a guy home after she has had 30 drinks. Hell, even for a F-buddies with no emotional attachment, I'd never go that low. If I were you, I'd just move on and forget it ever happened, and continue pretending. It's the teen thing to do :)

Nov 30, 2007 23:35 # 45244

MelMel *** replies...

Re: Men to boys

?% | 1

Maybe, i dont see or feel love out there in the world. If i ever do, yay, but i'm not going to sit around waiting for it to happen. I tried that and ended up depressed for most of my life. Honestly, i've never been happier than i have been this last year. I've left my old crowd behind and i left all my baggage with it. I've become really good friends with this girl jo and together we've taken on the world and made our place in it. And it feels good. I'm not obsessive or paranoid anymore. I'm just out there living life, whatever it throws at me. I'm too busy to look back and analyse, i'm running with instinct now.

As for 30 drinks... Well, i actually function quite well on that. Remember these were consumed over a 7 hour period, and that i hold alcohol quite well. I don't want you all to imagine me sitting in the gutter completely dysfuctional here. Would you be as worried if a guy my size drank a slab? No. And remember... Practice makes perfect!

Also, this guy was a friend. We'd caught up outside the pub crowd, spoken quite a bit, we had personal jokes. We had stories. But as much as i try to leave all the baggage behind, inside i'm still quite insecure. I walk into every moment assuming that i won't hear from them again. I still dont believe that i deserve better than that, and i'm still not sure i want anything more.

So bear that line of thought in mind and try to imagine my response when he pursued me. I didn't believe that he wanted anything serious. Because of our past i didn't think he wanted a one night stand you can completely forget the morning after. I assumed he wanted a good time with a good friend. And that was fine.

Anyway, it's just become a joke with our friends now to see how obviously i have to dance in front of him, or how many small talk questions i have to ask to get a response, any response.

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Dec 01, 2007 07:25 # 45246

null throws in his two cents...

Re: Men to boys

?% | 1

Anyway, it's just become a joke with our friends now to see how obviously i have to dance in front of him, or how many small talk questions i have to ask to get a response, any response.

Haha, the poor bastard, I'm almost feeling sorry for him.
But then again, damn, what kind of guy feels ashamed about having scored with a hawt teenie, or bad about having used her when she so obviously doesn't regret it? Please Mel, do ask him what the problem is. It might clear things up between the two of you, but at the very least it will satisfy my curiosity.

I'm gonna have to defend the concept of fuck buddies though. I think there's a difference between getting somebody too drunk to say no and then taking advantage of the situation, and having consensual sex which both parties genuinely enjoy. In fact, I think the latter does have certain advantages over a full-featured love/sex relationship... and I for one, in my current situation, would love to have a fuck buddy or friend with benefits. And it goes without saying that I'd treat her with respect and expect the same from her.

Maybe, i dont see or feel love out there in the world. If i ever do, yay, but i'm not going to sit around waiting for it to happen.

I considered adding a lengthy rant about how there is love, it's just hard to find and looks different to everybody yada yada yada, but seriously, this

Honestly, i've never been happier than i have been this last year.

is the only thing that really counts in the end.
(Besides not hurting anybody, separating your trash, driving responsibly, ...)
And if all else fails you can still get your love and your sex from separate sources. For what it's worth, I and quite probably a bunch of other people will always be there for all your non-sexual (and in my case intercontinental) needs.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

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