Reading Love and Lifesense

Mar 06, 2008 06:46 # 45497

LoveNhate22 * isn't happy...

I need a Women/girls help/option

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If anybody ask me which emotion i used the most i would answer with a sad voice and say " Love"
Sad because im not like any other guy that was to go out to the movies and make out and just use you for sex...
but most women my age dont realize that, if they would my life would be happy and i wouldnt be the only one in the relationship who actually loves... or cares if you will.
i want to be loved back. love is the best
feeling in the world.. I would kill or die for love.. Just the though of someone not being able to live with out you is increadible
THe time you spend with each other is golden
All ive ever wanted, was someone to love me for who i am, not for who they want me to be.
So with this said, anyone got any advice.... =/

Mar 06, 2008 14:29 # 45498

harold_maude *** replies...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option

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First of all, love is not a feeling, sorry to burst your bubble, what your talking about is more about chemical reaction than love.

Love is a choice to live a life that is more about the other person than your self.

What your looking for is really a very temporary thing. I've been here on this planet for almost 50 years now, and my experience is this: the kind of emotional thing your looking for is something that isn't stable and unless it grows from a base of friendship first, the truth is that it's nothing more than surface stuff.
Real love comes with hard work, choosing the other person's best interest and what is best for them, even when it isn't you.

what you've discribed actually sounds more narcisitic than anything.
You really want that feeling to be a part of your life? Try spending time with people who really need someone to care about them, liks people who have lost everything, or a shut in, or a war vet who's life is confined to a hospital.
They need that, to feel like someone actually gives a rip about them. Experience is a good teacher.

As to the neediness you have for it, when you start looking outside yourself and stop being so depressed that you can't find it in your age group, if your in highschool, all the bull crap ends and the real world begins. Things are different once you leave there.

Mar 09, 2008 04:06 # 45516

LoveNhate22 * replies...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option

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Maybe ur right about the love part but i dont want someone for a short amount of time.... I want to spend my days and nights with her... Your right Experience is a good teacher then again im only 17 >.> Thx again for your Advice

Mar 09, 2008 16:34 # 45517

harold_maude *** replies...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option

87% | 2

Your welcome.

There is a scene out of an old, old movie, where this young man has come to ask the father for permission to marry his daughter, and the father asks him why he wants to marry his daughter, and the young man answers with "because I love her".
The father tells him that's not good enough.

The father asks this "do you like her?" The young man looks puzzled and a bit confused, and says "of course"

The father then explains that when he married her mother, he really liked her, but it took about three years for him to realize that he loved her.

Love takes time. The real deal, the rare jewel your looking for, takes time to find.

The best advise I can give anyone who want the real deal is this, find someone you can be friends with, learn how to talk to each other and be willing to actually listen.
Learn why you like that person and learn to be a real friend to them.

That's good ground for love to grow out of.
The emotional highs that come with what's called love you can find in any chocolate bar.
Seriously, chocolate contains the same kind of chemistry that emotional jello, falling in love, sooo in love, head over heals in love, you get the idea, has.

That's why so many people out there are addicted to chocolate,
it's the love wonder drug.
It does help. :)

Anyway, that's just a bit of thought that might help out a bit.

Jun 19, 2008 10:36 # 45834

Hawkeye *** replies...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option

I totally agree with you on this, harold_maude.

The feeling that you want to be loved and cared for is a feeling that would probably surprise you to realize is completely one-sided. You enjoy the sensation of being loved, and you like the one who gives you this sensation. The relationships which found themselves on these feelings are very weak. The moment in which you fight and you feel the opposite of the feeling of being loved and cared for, it's going to be very confusing and very hurtful. The reality is that it works both ways. The same reason you are with that person to feel the sensation of being cared for is the same reason that person is with you!

Right now, your hormones speak louder than your brain, and so it is probably difficult for you to truly understand the truth in what I say, but realize that it is true. That, or you'll learn it the hard way. If you want a long-lasting relationship, it's ok to want to be loved and cared for, but start from the foundation of friendship. Odds are, if a girl is a good friend to you for no reason other than the fact that she cares for you, then a deeper relationship with her will last a lot longer.

Then, you're young. You still have a lot to learn about relationships, so don't date to marry. Date and have fun, but keep it in the back of your mind that most relationships started at your age don't last because a person can change a lot at your age. Even if you don't, your partner will.

If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done

Sep 02, 2008 12:28 # 45990

ContingencyPlan * wants to know...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option: The "friend zone"?

Okay, so here's an honest question from me then. How real / realistic is the so-called "friend zone"? I've heard about it a good amount, that when meeting a girl and early on in the "relationship" (using the term in the "a relationship between two people," rather than the dating sense), if you don't make a move towards dating, then she'll tag you as a friend, making it very difficult to start a romantic relationship later on, because she just won't "see" you in those terms. Y'all are kinda saying the exact opposite, that it'd be better to first be friends with a girl you're interested in, then after the friendship foundation is laid, start working on building up the dating side of things, am I correct?

So how much have y'all encountered the friend zone quasi-phenomenon? I expect it depends on the girl, but I'm still interested in a general approximation. Would it be better in general to make an early move, and build the friendship and the dating at the same time, or do the friendship first, or what?

Can any ladies comment on the [non-]existence of the friend zone, from their perspective? How easy is it for y'all to switch gears from "friend" to "lover / potential lover" if the friendship is already fairly well established?

To the OP, I don't know how old you are, but assuming you're a young-un like me (early 20s), I can definitely agree that Hawkeye's right - people our age are still changing a great deal. My parents told me that when I was 18, and I thought they were full of shit. Looking back now, I'm a VERY different person from who I was then. Five years from now, you wouldn't recognize yourself at this age if y'all met on the street. The same goes for whoever you're dating: they're still growing and evolving, even while y'all are dating, so you'll have to be attuned to that and evolve with them if you want to avoid the "I don't even know who you are anymore" cliche.

I'll see your two cents, and raise you a dollar... :)

This post was edited by ContingencyPlan on Sep 02, 2008.

Mar 08, 2009 17:39 # 46301

zen *** replies...

Re: I need a Women/girls help/option

?% | 1

First of all, love is not a feeling, sorry to burst your bubble

Well, it is a feeling because you can't prove that it exists.
The sad fact of the matter is that people fall in love. People fall out of love.

Love is a choice to live a life that is more about the other person than your self.

The decision comes after you realize that you love someone...but then, not all of us have the same concept of love. Love, perhaps a definite thing to you, is far from that in actuality.
I don't disagree that love should be more about the other person, but essentially, love is a very selfish emotion.
I can not feel you love, feel your love. I might hear you tell me that you love me; or I might believe you when you talk lovingly to me, hold my hand, kiss me tenderly, or whatever external manifestations come from that, but your love for me is still selfish. I have to believe that the external sign, cues you give off, are in fact real, and it is actually how you feel. It's reduced to a guessing game.

Perhaps, over 3, or more years, I'll grow into a grove with that other person, and eventually accept that it might be love that I feel, but then what does this say. If one has it immediately, and another has to "grow into it," then what is love other than a philosophic construct, something not definite, elusive, and a true feeling.

Take, for example, the original post.

love is the best
feeling in the world.. I would kill or die for love.. Just the though of someone not being able to live with out you is increadible

Past narcissistic, this is obsessive, smothering love, as described. I'm not into that myself, and I personally don't call that love, but that's just my opinion. I mean, we all need to feel like we're part-of, as if we have a connection to those around us; but does that connection have to be so deep, and, well, eternally-burning?
I absolutely agree with what you said about finding a vet who has lost hope, or a homeless person with nowhere to go; that if you want to to be appreciated, simply to be appreciated, look elsewhere.
It seems that there's something else under the sheets, so to speak. He's looking for a female to "rescue" him from a banal existence; almost like a girl who's looking for her Prince Charming. The problem is that either his desires, or the female in finding her Prince, are fantasy.

It would seem around 17 is where one starts looking for "true love," and are summarily crushed when not to be found.
At his age, now would be the time to have fun, and date chicks, and try to have sex. Except that's not what he's looking for. He's looking to set-up a marriage, to show her that he's ready to committ to being an adult.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Mar 08, 2009.

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