Reading Love and Lifesense

Feb 21, 2010 14:16 # 46712

INKFINESSE ** tells about...

I dont want to do this anymore, help

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Have never had a relationship with a married man nor have i ever stolen a boy from anyone.

About 8 months ago i met a wonderful guy whom i fell head over heels for, love a t first site. We randomly happened upon eachother at a sports club and somehow he talkedto me, he had a genuine interest in my art, my skills and working out with me.

We ended up spending our weekday evening working out together and playing outside doing sports which we both love. He never shared any of his life with me or tried to touch me so i figured he didnt like me but god did i like him. We spoke dialy thru text of short emails sharing thoughts or just friendly ways....

After one particularly perfect day of outdoor fun i found the courage to see if i could tag along to get some food with he and his friends. our night went great and as i drove him to his car he told me he had to tell me something. I had that sick feeling in my belly and figured he had a girl since he didnt wear a ring but alas, he said "dont be mad at me, i'm married". i pretty much freaked out and spilled my guts about my feelings and whatever came to mind. He said he had fallen hard for me and after crying and carring on we decided to try to be friends since we fed off each others energy in all that we did.

Here I am 7 months later trying to call it quits. we've spoken every day but never had sex. I think if i let him we wouldve but in my mind if he kept his hands to himself then it ment he was some sort of good guy but now i see that the emotional cheating has by far killed me inside, my day is totally taken over by this, consumed fully.

He was actually busted by his wife on 2 occasions, the first while on a family getaway during the first few months of our time, she found a photo i had sent to him on is phone and supposedly from what he said-they fought and then the topic passed. it was nice to see her text me to leave her husband alone, i didnt reply.

As time passed on i struggled with the fact that i was only getting half of this man, he said he was unhappy and in all of our time he never spoke of her, said her name or did he try to hang out with me on any date like occasion unless it was conveinant. I traveled to go to lunch with him, i was addicted and still am to the sweetness and care he said as that is what i crave and miss in my life. He said it was all true and that he was worried that he was making a mistake and if his wife found out about his feeling for me she would leave.

They have been hgaving issues for the past year, living as roommates as he says and supposedly they dont connect but obviously he doesnt hate it that much because he stays. I think he likes not losing all of his stuff since he works constantly and sometimes i feel that he seeks work as a filler for taking time to see his own issues, tend to the word needed at hand and fill his sense of self worth.

Each time we hung out i would be filled with joy and happiness but as he turned to leave the empty sick feeling appeared knowing my lips were not the only ones and somehow i wondered what his homelife was like, why you would stay with someone and be with another. It made me crazy and sad and he told me to tell him how i feel so my constant good/bad commentary seemed to get old.

He eventually took another job so we do not see each other, but were trying to meet up on the weekend, it was tough and i just kept thinking i cant do this. he's what i want, support, care, fun, into all of the same things i like, honestly cares and shares with me but again, he is married, not mine and not being the man he should be.

I dont have many friends to share this with especially ones who could ever relate so speaking my mind and bawling and carrying on seems to drive them away. I shouldve run when at first i knew but i was smitten with him as i am now and i just wanted a piece of this man weho made me feel so good, hoped he was in the end of his relationship, afraid to go and make him think i hated him and if a time occured when he was free that he would come back......

One evening we were speaking thru text and i was haivng a chat aobut how we missed each other. in my mind i had conjured up the courage to tell him the following day that i had to let him go to figure out what he was doing, not to choose me over her but to figure out if he wanted to be there, its either find happiness forever with this woman or not. I had asked him why he loved her? Why he was with her? What was it they shared in common? He wanted to get that miss you feeling back and didnt have an answer why they were together and that she spent his money best. They dont have kids but they have tried in the past w/out success...... # years of dating which started based on sex then [as he said} getting married because it seemded the thing to do. Now one their third year of marraige things dont seem right. Last december before we had ever met he said he had told her he was leaving but she convinced him to stay. I dont know how that happens, guilt? the thought of ending a routine? maybe i didnt get the story, i know if i felt unloved i'd do everything in my power to fix it.....

Anyway, he replied to my text but in an act of god, sent it to her......i guess they had a long chat when he got home and she said if they were going to fix things theyd go to counciling and didnt need outside distractions. He came to see me the next day and told me the sotry, actually saving me from calling it quits as i was so scared to talk to him. I was so happy that they were going to go to counciling, that it was being forced by her and that they could make sense of it all and move on, he would eaither be in, out and definately grow from it as a person, he needs it, he is very closed off.

He texted me later in the day and came to see me the following week to give me a quick kiss and hug and later i ran into him out on the town where we smothered each other in affection and my heart was again lifted.

He continues text me, and i continue to respond to him. I fear he will go away fully or forget what a good person i am or hate me if i just write him off until whatever goes down goes down. I know if it was ment to be it would be but I like him as a good friend as well as someone my heart is wrapped around. I know he's a jerk to be a cheater and I dont think much of her for knowing he's unfaithful and letting it slide. I cant shake all of the things he said, especially writing that one day his heart will be mine and he said he beleives it. It sicken me to think i'm so dumbstruck but i fell head over heels for this guy which he and i have more ironic moments and amazing love for each other than i have ever felt.

I asked him if he went to counciling but he said that they are trying something else, he doesnt like the thought of paying to talk to someone nor is he going to tell her about me. They decided that they wont talk about those things and just move forward. I hate that I am being denied, that I'm the other girl. Im angry that they live in this shitty relationship and I know and hes told me that I complete him and i make him happier than he's ever been but he needs to look into whats going on now.

I dont kn ow what to do. Im going insane. I cant go to work because thats where we spent our time together. Every song reminds me of him. Everyone on television is in love. I have obsessive thoughts and having taken up smoking to kill the anxiety. I dont know what to do. I feel very isolated and cant stand that I cry at the bank or he seems to come up in conversation again, ironacally. Mostly I dont know how to quit him. I just have fallen in love but love takes two so I seem to hold a heavy bag.....

Please help.

Mar 01, 2010 12:40 # 46716

yoshi314 * has all the information you need...

Re: I dont want to do this anymore, help

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I would break up with the guy, take the pain and get over it. Dragging this on will get you nowhere.

I've personally had to do it a few times in my life.

The relationships never worked out as good as they did in your case, but i was at the side that was more emotionally attached (strange for a guy, isn't it?), And yet i decided to call it quits. Maybe because i felt i did not belong together with the person at the time.

And then i got over, after a few months of suffering. I still meet some of those girls, but we just say "hi" and go our way.

Male-female friendship does not exist, if both people were together before. It's just awkward this way.

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

Mar 19, 2010 03:54 # 46732

sllr72 * replies...

Re: I dont want to do this anymore, help

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I've been on here three days now and venting my thoughts and feelings toward my marriage and and all the things that are wrong, I was sitting here this evening processing some thoughts and reading about other people and what they go through in everyday life. I ran across your post and read it to the very end, I am the wife of a husband that is just like the husband you are involved with and I'm sorry your in that position, But on the other side of the coin as far as him staying with his wife and putting you through this, He wouldn't be who he is to you now if he didnt have his wife. She makes him who he is and shes a strong women and he wouldnt be worth anything without her and out of all honesty she don't know why HE stays. She's miserable to. But I want to tell you this, YOU are never going to know LOVE until you let him go, there is someone out that there is made JUST FOR YOU, You feel lonly... And you would have someone to give all that love too, Its not fair to you... He's never going to leave if he hasnt by now, YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT...

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