Reading harold_maude's journal

Jul 29, 2011 13:25 # 47091

harold_maude *** posts about...

It's Friday

Not that it means much at this point, but it is Friday. The feeling of being wandering and lost hasn't left the building in so long now that I'm thinking I should just start charging rent to the thing.

I finally got access to a good hi def camera and took pictures of all the art I have left which numbers in the neighborhood of about 300 pieces.
It's all the stuff from over the last 11 years of study. I decided to do an anthology of it because I seriously needed to see something concrete from the last 11 years of trying and hitting walls.
I got the normal and very few remarks of how it was liked.
I stopped believing that years ago when people would say that and then never buy anything.
I came to the conclusion that saying the word like in reference to someone's art is just bullshit.
I've repeated myself that I hate compliments that are given out of fear that I will be offended.
I've also said very clearly, if you hate it, say so..don't hand me a fake compliment because it's believed that all artists have thin skins and can't handle the truth about their work.
But alas no one listens.

This repeating thing has made me rather cynical about what people say to my face about my work. I know for sure that people like something I've made when they buy it.
That's something tangable and real.
I have stopped complimenting the work of other artists if I can't buy something that I actually like from them.
If that crap bothers me, why do that to another artist.
So I tend to look a lot and admire other people's work, but since I don't have the money to buy it, I tend not to say much of anything at all.
But that's just me I think. I think most artists love compliments as it gives some kind of excitement and generates energy to keep doing the art. Not me. I'm a screwed up weirdo I guess.

My sister told me about this guy who is a friend of hers who is really big in the art world (he has connections) and this guy has money. She told him about my work and directed him in my direction.
I told her I didn't expect him to say anything about my art because that's the way it goes.
She kept trying to tell me other wise. So now we get to see if she is right about this guy or I am.
My gut feeling says that he isn't going to say a single word.
But as always I could be wrong.

I've been putting applications and getting the same answer back that I've gotten from so many others. We are taking our time picking here and it will be a while before we make our decision...fuckers, don't waste my time. That answer they give me says to me that they are trying to be nice but don't want to just flat out tell me I'm not what they are looking makes me feel like I meet more liars than honest people.
And what it does to my trust of people is shatter it more and more.
I seriously have thought about just walking off out into some off place that has no people so I can at least enjoy nature with out someone saying something that is nothing but a lie in a nice suit.

anyway, I'm not in the best frame of mind. Funny thing is I don't care anymore that I'm not. Go figure.

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