Reading Love and Lifesense

Dec 04, 2002 01:09 # 6777

ivy *** posts about...

Judged by appearance.

95% | 8

I'm so sick of people judging me. Well, I'm rather used to it but I still don't like it. Every day I'm being judged by the way I dress, the color of my hair, my piercings and the fact that I tend to dress in what I like and not just whats trendy.
And just because I like black I'm no satanist.

Fine, people may stare but please have some respect and at least don't say out loud what you may think of my appearance! They don't do that with everybody but it seems that it's ok to shout things after people looking like me. What if I met a lady in fur(I hate fur), well what if I straight to her face told her her coat is terribly ugly. People would think I'm a terribly rude young lady but when people say such things to me no one react. Well they may passing by smile and silently agree.

Will I get a job? Well, it may be hard for I simply don't look like you should do. I've heard old people complaining about how some of the younger generation look and that they in a job where they meet people should tone it down. Why? Because the elders don't think piercings and black hair is pretty? Fashions changes, the world changes and I don't think they should be forced to wear tight jeans and sneakers to get a job just because I think the older generation most of the time wears terribly ugly clothes. In my taste that is. But do I have to change to a look that's more acceptable to be accepted? Why can't I have a piercing? Do I really look that scary? I do look like everybody else but in a darker version. My haircut is regular, my clothes are regular (but black) and my make up most of the time is regular. So what's wrong with me? Am I that terrifying? Should I scare away the custumers from a shop? I dobt it. And even if people thought I looked weird they'd disover when talking to me that I am in fact nice and polite!

People in my age judge me to. They take one look and descide that I must be one of these slackers, one of those listening to tragic music, cutting myself in my arms, hanging out at graveyards and will end up as nothing. They take one look and descide they have nothing in common with me. Descide that I'm the weirdo. But hey, who's normal here and who are they to judge?

Do we all have to be exactly the same to be accepted? Will I ever get a job without changing my appearance and will people stop being so rude! Do they think I don't care if they come up to me at the street pointing and loudly commenting my appearance? People don't do that to everybody and why should I be less hurt by such attacks?

Today I'm just angry and needed to get it out. Should I have to take everything?

carpe diem.

Dec 04, 2002 09:47 # 6783

null throws in his two cents...

Re: Judged by appearance.

85% | 3

Well I'm probably not as non-standard as you, but even I had to change my hair color from blue to brown in order to find a job. I don't think my current boss would have employed me otherwise, even with the hair color being the only difference. I mean, I'm exactly the same guy no matter how I look; the only thing that changes is the impression I make.

People are judged by their appearance every day. I dare to say that even you do it to some degree: when you see, say, an old guy in an Armani suit, complete with tie and leather suitcase, you assume it may be some business kind of guy. When you see a long-haired unshaved guy in torn clothes talking to random people at the train station, it's either a bum or Jesus (with the latter choice being rather unlikely).
Punks shave 2/3 of their head, tear holes in their jeans and wear paperclips as nose piercings. Nazis shave all of their head and run around in army boots and bomber jackets.
Prejudices? Sure. But very often true, and useful. They help people assign you to some particular social group, or herd. I think people just need that, even if it's only to decide whether you might belong to the same social group(s) as they do, or how much you might have in common with them.

While I don't always like being judged by the way I look, I don't think this can be changed. You can always change particular people's attitude towards you by showing them that their first impression was wrong, but 99% of all people on the street will still judge you by your hair and the clothes you wear. You can prove this first impression wrong when the other person is able and willing to learn to know you better, but I don't see any way to change the attitude of a superficial person, or a person who doesn't want to (or can't) get to know you better.

Sad? Well, to some degree. Most of the time it also helps people find members of the same species whom they share some social interests with. The human is a gregarious animal, and different herds need distinguishing features. Clothes just happen to be very suitable for this.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Dec 04, 2002 16:20 # 6787

Xantos *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 2

I have the same problem as you Ivy. This summer i went to live with my dad to try and start working and making a life for myself, Before i went to the interview he demanded that i take out my labret and my eyebrow piercing. I agreed to take out my labret, but that was it. So i went to the interview, as i walked in i got a suprising look just for having my eyebrow periced (and well i guess they must have saw the hole in my mouth) The interview went great, she said that i'd be recieving a call in the next week and it was all good. 2 months passed and i still didnt get a call for work. Im back home now in Newfoundland, i went for another job interview, this one involving carrying groceries to peoples cars, couldnt get that cuase i have these piercings. I dont understand it at all, i mean its only random pieces of surgical steel. :P One of the guys that worked there told me to take it out and i might get a job. I told him that i was keeping it.. i wanted to get this done for 3 years and i finally got it done last summer; spent 150 bucks, went through some strange pain and im not giving it up for anything. Its descrimination, What if; for instance, if i was in a accident a few years back and my face was partly ripped off, and these are just surgical screws that keep my face from falling off?! hehe. But seriously, its stupid, even my 80 year old grandparents are used to it now, and they've been christians all there life so to them it must be kinda "evil" .. If they can get used to it, anyone can.

.::XåŇtا::.

Dec 04, 2002 16:28 # 6788

Xantos *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

By the way Ivy, you look great doll. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. And theres no need for people to "look past" the piercings and hair color. Its a part of you, its what makes you, YOU. And i happen to find it very attractive. :P

:P(i am not using this as a dating service):P

.::XåŇtا::.

Dec 06, 2002 03:27 # 6818

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

Well thank you. :)

Nice with someone else that agrees with me. We shouldn't have to change to be accepted. We are who we are and I think it's admirable putting up to the negative sides of looking different than the mainstream crowd rather than whenever you're not right have a change of style. People doing that cannot be very secure of themselves.

carpe diem.

Dec 04, 2002 17:21 # 6790

Orchid *** throws in her two cents...

Re: Judged by appearance.

Well, so it works. Some jobs just demand a decent look, especially when you're working with customers.
They know some of their customers could be shocked when looking at you, and if it's just one old nun, the shop may need her because she's bringing a lot of money.
You don't have to take this job, not at all. There are many others where your look does not matter.

Most people are prejudiced and they'll not change, you can't do anything against it. Me, too. Are you never prejudiced? What do you think when you see some guy in your age wearing glasses, jacket and a pair of pleated trousers. Don't you think: Bah, what a lurker... But he may have similar interests like you.

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 04, 2002 17:14 # 6789

Orchid *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

86% | 6

Don't you also judge people? I think yes. Everybody does.
Maybe you dress a bit in a more special way than others.
Concerning jobs it depends on the kind of job. Of course a lawyer's office won't employ anyone but a well-dressed person with a regular haircut. Or would you employ some skater boy?
If you decide to work in a bar or disco, they'd maybe take you before anyone else because you are special and people ordering a drink wanna see someone special behind the counter.
Anyway, blue or green looks just awful when you're an adult, but you're just about 20 so it doesn't matter which colour you wear except you want to work in an office with contact to the customers. What keeps you away from looking "nice and good" at work but change this style immediately in your freetime?
Have you ever thought about the fact that you're prejudiced? In knowing that you're looking special, you may unconciously expect other people to look and judge.
I'm doing this, too but in a bit another way.
I expect me to be embarassing to look at therefor always cast my eyes down. I hate being looked at. I don't say I am sooo ugly but I often think I am, at least not as beautiful as all those perfect long-legged girls. I always tried not to attract attention. You should see the clothes I wore in my "high school" time. Bah: dark green, dark blue, black, dark jeans, dark shoes, sweaters always big enough to cover everything.
In the last years I discovered that there are beautiful clothes, too (my poor purse) and that they don't make me look like a Michelin Man so nowadays I sometimes buy clothes I'd never bought in my teenage days. But it's still not living out my wishes 'cause some things I stil don't dare.
So look at you! You wear what you want! People who wear what they want to wear don't care for the opinion of others.
Just stay who you are and let people think what they wanna think. Those who don't want to get to know you better aren't it worth a second.
YOu can't look so special. There are a lot of people in the streets who dress unusual in any kind of way. A big bunch of the rest doesn't dare to dress unusual or dye hair. Maybe they just envy you.
Who doesn't sometimes try a piece in the shop behind the changing cubicle where noone can see them and then bring the piece back, a little bit ashamed "It looks great, but, no, I can't wear this, what would everyone think".
It's just a lack in selfconciousness...

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 06, 2002 03:02 # 6816

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 2

Decent look and descent look, who are they to decide I'm not descent? I have many different clothes, many in color to and if I wants to I can look very regular, exept for my hair color and my piercings. But I like my haircolor and I don't dye it just to look different. My hair is black now and I love it! I had black hair for very long but two months ago I descided that I'd try something else so during that time I've been blonde, I've had the red color on the photo and I've had brown hair. Now I know how I look in very different colors but I didn't like it. I like black hair for I think I look the best in it. And not to attract attention. If I did that I wouldn't have written my post in the first place. The post is in fact about that I don't even like the attention I get. I don't want it.

Of course I'm prejudiced and I'm well aware that everybody despite denying it in fact are, more or less. That's not the thing. What I wrote in my post was that I didn't like people shouting things after me, showing no respect at all and people not caring for my cunning just because of my look. People may think whatever they want of me but I don't want it to affect my life that much. I want to be able to get a job and I think that if I fit for it, should I really not get it just because of my look?

Do I have to look "nice and good"? And what is nice and good? Attituded change and I believe that in 50 years from now people won't be so picky. I mean, back 100 years ago it was definitly not nice and good wearing a short skirt, no one did for that was the attitude back then. Well, look at the world today. Things changes.

But well, I would look nice and good during work time but I can't take out the piercings and I won't dye my hair another color. At job intervjues and stuff I've looked very regular exept for those details.

People are different and different people have different taste. What keeps me away from changing style it is that it's not me. But as mentioned I have lots of different clothes. Not all my clothes are black but since that's my favourite color I wear it alot. I think I look nice and I would never, ever change my style because of what other people may think. And I dont unconsionaly expect people to judge me. I mean, it's pretty obvious that they do when they shout things after me at town.

It's all about respect. And opportunities I don't get. There's not many jobs here in Sweden. Lots of people are unemployed and I don't want to be for the rest of my life because of prejudices.

I hate prejudices and in some ways I hate the undergound cultures for many of the younger people of them dress in a different way to drag attention. I have such friends and they are just as bad as many elders can be. When I had bought some new clothes, high healed shoes and a beige trendy shirt they practically called me a bimbo and a fashion victim. Saying I couldn't wear things like that. Well, why not? They're just as bad as all the people judging them by saing that.

carpe diem.

Dec 06, 2002 16:43 # 6830

oxygenius *** throws in his two cents...

Re: Judged by appearance.

btw: it also depends in what kind of work you're into.
I, for example, are currently sitting in a huge "office" (it's more then just that - it also includes production facilities, and so on), wearing my all-day clothes, which are exactly black-in-black. :)

i'm freelancer, working for the software development part, and seldom get jokes or something else about my personal style.

in other jobs i surely would get trouble with the way i wear my clothes, etc.

so it surely DOES depend on where you work. and for whom, especially.

cu, w0lf.

Metal has no laws. Metal is the law.

Dec 05, 2002 06:01 # 6800

mace *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

100% | 5

I wear white and I am a Satanist. And I’m at least somewhat offended that you used Satanism with such negative connotations.

Why do you dress differently?

Because they're the clothes that you like.

But why do you like them?

Is it because they get you attention? Is it because you want to be different? Are black pants any more comfortable than blue pants? I laugh at people dressed all in white too, just because I think it looks silly. Like someone wearing plaid pants, a polka-dotted shirt, and a stripped hat. We often associate colors with emotions. It's legitimate to assume that someone wearing all black is depressed.

I don't have any piercing, no tattoos, and I've never died my hair. And I have no desire to do any of those things. I don't see the sense in willfully putting extra holes in my head, or spending time and money to make my hair a different color, or permanently scaring myself. It just doesn't appeal to me for some strange reason. I can't figure it out.

OK, I'm being a smart ass. But you know that if you dye your hair bright red, you're going to get attention from some people. Why does it appeal to you? That's what I don't understand.

One time I gave myself a mohawk, just because my parents forbid me to do so. They were so pissed off, it was great... all my teachers were freaked out by it too. It's fun to see people so affected by a haircut. I did it specifically to achieve some sort of reaction.

Another time me and a couple friends were standing on the corner of the street and a car full of old women pulled up next to us at the stop sign. One of the old women looked over at us and locked her door. I thought it was pretty funny, because we’re not thugs or anything, but maybe she thought we looked like we were. Do I blame her for locking her door? No, of course not. It’s not like if she suspected we were thugs, she would roll down her window and get to know us before passing judgment. Judging people by their appearance is necessary.

Dec 05, 2002 14:30 # 6805

Orchid *** has a suggestion...

Re: Judged by appearance.

This is a good point. Nothing to add.
How about you telling us a little bit about your way of satanism? I'm interested in how you've come to it and how you're living it.

Maybe you could open a seperate thread. I am curious.

When I heard satanism before I was always scared: Ugh, dark people who celebrate in sacrifying virgins or cats... Then null once came to me with the discovery of an internet site (Churche of Satan) which seemed to be very serious and honest. They were discribing rules that sound logical...

So, maybe it's not that bad we know it from movies and stuff...

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 05, 2002 17:15 # 6809

mace *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

Dec 06, 2002 03:17 # 6817

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

72% | 2

I know what satanism really is but the people calling me that don't. They think it's about blood victims and worshipping the devil and I don't want people to think such things about me. No affense, I didn't mean that I disliked satanism. I've read about it and knows what it's about.

Well about why I like my clothes, I feel that I've pretty much said what there is to be said in my reply to Orchid so read that. And no, black pants aren't more comfortable than blue and in fact most of my pants are blue.

Well I wear black and I am depressed, but I wore black back when I was happy to. I first got to like black when I was 12. For a year I practically never wore any other color so this began early and that if anything may prove my look to be other than an attempt to attract some notice.

And about the bright red, I think it looks good. I liked the color. Well I might say the same thing about all those bright blonde girls who dresses like Britney, or those who wear nothing but jeans and t-shirt, I don't understand how that can be appealing, but hey, we're different!

And I knew my hair color was going to drag attention and I can put up with that if only it wouldn't interferr with my life so much that I don't even get a job. People may think what they want but if I go to a job intervjue and do very well, should someone else get that job because of my haircolor??

The thing is, some people dressing differently wants the attention but I don't. I don't like people staring at me, when I was a kid I was very shy and it still feels when someone critizises me. I DO NOT want the attention as people seem to think but I'm used to it, if only people please could respect me and see me for something more than my appearance.

Is that really to much to ask for? Is this world such a horrible place that one isn't alloweded to be an individual?

.

carpe diem.

Dec 06, 2002 17:29 # 6833

ReallyCoolDude *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

Every species on this planet can only survive if it is social. We can not isolate ourselves in our own world and can not expect anyone to disturb us. We have got to interact with people and that is how we can live, grow, survive. And, this is why it is unavoidable that people will not judge you by your appearance.

Yes, if you are working in a job that does not require you to communicate face-to-face with your customers, say a telemarketing job, or a home-based business, you can wear what you want. But, when you have got to meet other people, you have got remember that people will judge you by your appearances. It is normal and necessary for them to do so to be sure that they get the right person for the job, or they know what kind of a person they are dealing with. What the people do when they are at their home, what they wear, what they look like doesn't matter and should not matter.

So, I guess, if you like to wear some tattoos or want to dye your hair, but would like to work in an environment where you will be interacting with people, you have got to compromise, get some temporary tattoos, or get a wig, as soon as you are out of the place, then they should not care what you look like, be yourself.

To become a part of any organization you ought to respect their rules and code of conduct. That is how you can become a part of their team. Once you join any company you are a representative of their organization. You have got to compromise on this, as you have got the learn that the personal life and the professional life can not and shall not be mixed.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Dec 07, 2002 16:00 # 6846

Anonymous throws in his two cents...

Re: Judged by appearance.

82% | 4

People will be people. And what I mean by that is People will be ignorant. Not because they want to, but because they know no better.

There are a few enlightend souls on this earth that know better when they see some kid w/pink hair and pericings all over there face doesnt right away mean that they are getting mugged.

Unfortunetly, those enlightend souls are grossly out numbererd by humans that have morals and certain ideas engrained into their brains...and chances of anyone changing them are slim.

Its funny how us humans are so smart, we can make space shuttles, computers, diet pills....but we are unable to overcome our own prejudiced ideas.

But hey, thats the way of the world. Their are millions out there just like you, Ivy...and it sucks, but you just need to accept it, because people, at this day and age, are not changing...unless they want to. So if you want to live a visualy or mentally alternative life instead of norm, then get ready for a few critisms....because like I said mentioned before, you will be outnumbered.

Dec 07, 2002 16:00 # 6847

POWF ** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

And by the way, that last post was me...for some reason it posted w/anonymous

We should of brought a bag of rocks....

Dec 08, 2002 03:12 # 6863

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 2

Well what's more to ad then?

Most of you seem to think there's nothing to do and that if I dress the way I do I only have myself to blame for not getting a job. You say people will be people and people have prejudices and that there's nothing to do about it. Maybe that is so. Maybe that is what I'll have to put up with for the rest of my life but I rather do that than change for anyone else. To change to fit in is to deny myself. We'll imagine yourself to be forced to look like me to fit in! If you didn't get a job because you didn't have piercings and black clothes. Would you change even if it were uncomfortable? To do that is weak. To let those with prejudices win. Prejudices doesn't dissappear if the people being attacked by prejudices change. That only makes them stronger and "proves" that the mainstream is right and all other is wrong. You seem to have such a lack of belief that things can change and that's the worst.

Well then I have nothing more to ad. I guess I'll have to put up with this. I allready think this world is a horrible place and this really doesn't make it better.

carpe diem.

This post was edited by ivy on Dec 08, 2002.

Dec 08, 2002 13:24 # 6871

Jaz *** replies...

Mmh.

90% | 4

Ivy, for someone who doesn't want others to judge you by the clothes, you seem to define yourself a lot through the things you wear.

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

Dec 09, 2002 02:27 # 6883

ivy *** replies...

Re: Mmh.

And by that you mean?

carpe diem.

Dec 09, 2002 08:45 # 6888

Jaz *** replies...

Re: Mmh.

90% | 4

You expect others not to judge them by your clothes, as they don't say anything about you as a person. Yet on the other hand you say that putting of said clothes would mean to deny yourself.

Don't you notice that something does not fit here?

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

Dec 09, 2002 10:01 # 6889

fallenangel *** replies...

Re: Mmh.

70% | 4

This post was deleted by request of the author.

"you're mighty brave in cyber-space, flame boy!"

Dec 09, 2002 23:08 # 6911

ivy *** replies...

Re: Mmh.

What I mean is that if you wear what you don't want to wear you deny yourself. It means that you do as someone else tells you not because you like it but because it's what's expected of you. Because the majority do so. And there are several ways to deny yourself, not just in the clothing!

Just as many people go to nightclubs, almost everybody in my age here in Sweden at least. Well I seldom do. And there's not many who instead likes to take a walk in the forest. Should I start going to nightclubs because that's what's expected? That's also denying myself.

Or, I'm not a christian. I'm an occultist. Then should I become a christian just because that's the common thing to be?

Or, I have lots of friends believing in anarchy, fighting with the police and stuff. I don't. Should I do that to fit in among them?

you see, I don't define myself by the clothes I wear. I wear what I like and if I started wearing anything else it would be dying myself for it would mean that I'd be wearing something I didn't like. And everything you don't like but still do because of what other people think of you or want you to do is in fact denying yourself. Individuality above all.

carpe diem.

Dec 10, 2002 10:30 # 6924

Jaz *** shakes his head...

Clothes != Personality

96% | 4

And everything you don't like but still do because of what other people think of you or want you to do is in fact denying yourself.

No, what we're talking about here is adapting to a minor requirement of change in order to get what you want. It is not about giving up a truely self-definining philosophy like "help others", "never hurt an innocent" or similiar things that actually do say something about you. Two pounds of cotton don't.

Individuality above all.

More power to you, but interacting with strangers always means to temporarily place back some less popular aspects of your personality to get along as you can't convey all of what you are in a short business meeting. The people you encounter there have to predeem you because there's isn't time for more. You, me, everyone is doing the same all the time.

You're judging the lady on the street because she wears an ugly fur coat. I probably would, too. Maybe there's some perfectly noble explanation why she wears that coat but the point is we have no idea and honestly don't care.

When dealing with strangers, accept some irrelevant changes or learn to live with the consequences of letting it be. Once you get to know someone better you can take off that flimsy layer of icing on the cake and actually do something to tear down intolerance. But just crying foul won't do that!

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

Dec 11, 2002 00:48 # 6940

ivy *** replies...

Re: Clothes != Personality

I am willing to do some changes as I've allready written. I have white shirts and lots of blue jeans. And I wear them to. And I could wear them at work. But I won't dye my hair in another color. About 2 months ago I was in fact blonde but I didn't like it. I like black hair and I won't change it. I don't fit in any other haircolor. And about the piercings. They're really hard to get out and when I once had one out for a couple of hours the hole almost dissappeared and when I put in the piercing again it started bleading. I don't think they're tasteless. It's just like having your ears pierced. In time people will get used to it. Not now but in 50 years I think it will be conscidered normal. I mean, 20 years ago none but punks had piercings. Now many people have. The blonde girl with a little pearl in her nose is accepted. But not the blackhaired with a ring.

Well, I have nothing more to ad. Most of you doesn't share my opinion so we could go on about this forever not getting anywhere anyway. I think the attitudes should change, not me.

carpe diem.

Dec 11, 2002 03:13 # 6945

oxygenius *** wants to note...

Re: Clothes != Personality

?% | 1

Not now but in 50 years I think it will be conscidered normal. I mean, 20 years ago none but punks had piercings.

it's like metal. 20 years ago, you were said to be a satanist and are eating heads of bats and other shit like that.

nowadays, you're said to be a goth. *LOL* :D

nah, for real: nowadays, metal is somehow established - you can go out in (black) jeans, having long hair, listening to oh so evil Iron Maiden and will still be accepted.

okay, certainly there are still prejudices and prejudicers, but that's nothing compared how it was 10, 15 years ago..

and that, ALTHOUGH metal is MORE into anarchism than ANY goddamn way of living (yeah, metal is a livestyle, not just some music)!

but one questions still remains: wouldn't it be some kind of less interesting to wear piercings, having tatoos and stuff, if it was all accepted and that?

for instance, when I decided to "come back" from the goth to the metal scene, I was kind of irritated for a long time, how well you get treated when you just dont use no white paint, and other bunch of shit anymore...

- I always kept asking myself: "HELL!? why those suckers don't ask me whether i'm a big bad evil satanist or not?!? man, that's unnerving!" (you have to see: i used to have a full-styled irocese all the time ;))

cu, w0lf.

ps: METAL IS THE LAW! METAL HAS NO LAWS! :D

Metal has no laws. Metal is the law.

Dec 09, 2002 21:43 # 6904

marc ** throws in his two cents...

Re: Judged by appearance.

That only makes them stronger and "proves" that the mainstream is right and all other is wrong.

"The only reason why the mainstream is so broad is because it is so shallow."

And it is shallow in many places. Adapting in some of them saves you the power to fight those which are really worth it.

-marc

Dec 09, 2002 21:50 # 6906

marc ** can sympathize...

Re: Judged by appearance.

I allready think this world is a horrible place and this really doesn't make it better.

But it is also a magical world, we just have to realize it.

-marc

Dec 09, 2002 21:23 # 6903

Orchid *** shakes her head...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 1

What's wrong with prejudices? They're there to save you. But prejudices are also there to dismiss for everyone who risks a second glimpse.

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

This post was edited by Orchid on Dec 09, 2002.

Dec 09, 2002 23:14 # 6912

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

They're not fun for they're everywhere and I meet them all the time. I mean, it isn't funny to be judged as some freak sacrificing stuff to the devil. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone thought that of you.

carpe diem.

Dec 09, 2002 23:28 # 6913

Orchid *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

I mean, it isn't funny to be judged as some freak sacrificing stuff to the devil.

So, prejudices save you of falling for shallow and superficial people, don't they?

I don't think everybody will think that of you. Your clothes and haircolors are really normal nowadays... Has anybody called you so?? And I mean even when, then it must have been some loser hiding behind his oh-so-funny-mask or something and therefor you can ignore him easily or bark back.

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 11, 2002 00:51 # 6941

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

But I don't want to meet those prejudices. I don't want people to think that about me. And I definitly doesn't want to hear it! Don't you think I get hurt by that? Even if it's someone hiding behind a "I'm funny-mask".

And yes, I've been called things like that.

carpe diem.

Dec 11, 2002 14:00 # 6954

Orchid *** wants to know...

Re: Judged by appearance.

Why do you feel hurt?

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Dec 12, 2002 00:43 # 6965

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 1

Why do you feel hurt?

Because I've met to much criticism in my life. You tend to get easily hurt if you've been hurt to much.

carpe diem.

Dec 11, 2002 15:38 # 6958

POWF ** has a suggestion...

Re: Judged by appearance.

87% | 3

Ivy, you are WAY to worried about what people think about you. You cannot and will never control people thoughts, prejudices, morals...you just need to live and accept that.

You want to dress differently, then dress diffrently. But dont complain about people not accepting you. Its a fact of life. You look different from the norm, there WILL be critisms.

It sounds as though you want to be accepted by everyone else. If thats the case, then you better start buying more blue jeans and white shirts....or at least just tough it out untill your own style becomes mainsteam, because let me tell you, its definetly on its way.

You need to set your prioritys strait. Whats more important to you. You clothes and indivuduality, or people accepting you and saying nice things about you.

If you were comfortable with your life style, it wouldnt really matter how other people feel about you, now would it?

We should of brought a bag of rocks....

Dec 11, 2002 15:38 # 6959

MrCrash *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

I guess Orchid's got a point there.
Granted, it certainly sucks being called a satanist ect.
But OTOH, you don't want superficial people that judge you by your looks alone as your friends, do you?
From that point of view, it's a win-win scenario... :)

That makes me a sa-a-a-a-a-ad Panda...

Dec 12, 2002 00:44 # 6966

ivy *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

No I don't want them for friends but I want them to at least respect me.

carpe diem.

Dec 12, 2002 15:40 # 6969

MrCrash *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

?% | 1

No I don't want them for friends but I want them to at least respect me.

That's the way it should be.
But I'm afraid, in the real world there will always be some people not respecting you because of what you look like.
This might might sound hard, but: get used to it!
Sadly, you just can't please everybody...

That makes me a sa-a-a-a-a-ad Panda...

Mar 10, 2003 10:53 # 9332

MelMel *** replies...

Re: Judged by appearance.

79% | 2

Be yourself...people will keep on yelling this at you again and again but it's true!

it used to annoy me so much, and then i realised they were right and it annoyed me even more!

if you are happy with the way you look, then you will build up confidence.

if you aren't happy, then ask youself why. is it due to your beliefs and principals or is it due to constant pressure to conform? if you feel that you can't keep up with "everyone else" then how is that your fault, find something you like and stick to it. don't feel you have be the same as everyone else.

it is also important not to try and feel different to everyone else though. even if you absolutly hate them, you will have something in common.

i know you will probably all read this and think what is she on and rate me badly, but this is what i believe.

people are afraid of what is different, it's not your fault, it's human nature. just because you look a certain way, it doesn't mean that you are automatically a goth, or a satanist.

poeple will have immediate insticts, and blurt out the closest stereotype they can think of but it doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

i always judge on appearances, i can't help it, what i do try to do is not let those judgements form an opinion on the person, if that makes any sense!

people don't always say what they mean, in fact we rarely do, i'm sure people realise what a good person you are. if they don't, make them seee that there is more to you than black and noserings. personally, i love black, and am desperate to get a nosestud, but hey. i may be slightly biased. but still, i think you sound like a nice person, and that you shouldn't give up yet. don't give up and let people get away with saying stuff, make them see they're wrong!!

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!


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