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You know when your doing something stupid...and you know you should'nt be doing it, but for some unknown reason you just keep on doing it. I think thats my life. I have problems, I think they are just my own problems, but the majority of the world is experiencing the same things that are making me miserable. So what the fuck is wrong with us? I wish we could all just stop this nonsense and be happy. We need to evolve.
Im stuck in a pattern. Sleep, work,, sleep, maybe throw some food into that. I'm 19, I have'nt gone to college. I already feel beaten down. How am I going to feel in 20 years? And I hate it because I know I'm not the only one stuck, and I feel stupid complaining and wasting a post on it. I feel sefish for telling people about this and wasting their time but if I say nothing I will explode.
I feel like a drone. I know what to expect each day. When people come to me with problems, I give them advice knowing they wont take it, and becoming angry at myself for not taking my OWN advice. We all know the answers to our problems, but we dont do a thing to aleiviate them!
Sometimes I wish I was an animal. Wolves see sheep, they just go in and kill them and then eat them. If that were a human it would sit a contemplate for an hour about what to do, even though they are hungry. Then they would go tell their human freind to go kill the sheep. But the freind would'nt take the advice and both humans would starve to death.
I geuss I'm a little more evolved then some people, because I reconize what I'm doing wrong....but I am just unable to fix it. I keep thinking when I get older things will be better. I will become more mature and be able to deal with whats bothering me, quickley and efficiently. But I see people at work (all adults) and they have even MORE problems then I do....and it scares me.
It feels good though to get this stuff out...even though I'm writing it in a post. I acually feel better now....I dont know, I need to work on myself, but I have no clue where to start.
We should of brought a bag of rocks....
Feb 16, 2003 05:20 # 8862
Been exactly where you are at.
And sometimes I find myself again there.
Once upon a time when I was faced with absolutely having to quit daydreaming and take hold of my future (which for me was a big step).
I sat down and decided what truly made me comfortable, ie material things....music....books....clothes of a certain style..things that feed the soul in down times.
I decided what things I absolutely had to have to function at all...shelter...food..etc.
My goal I didn't have to decide....because I flat had to do that......and that was go to college for training in a field that not only I had a bent for......but more importantly at the time....would eventually give me the money to independently assure my ability to not only finance my absolute needs but also a lot more.
I loved it..so different from schools before....exposure to not only what I required....but massive expansion from my small world into THE world.
Financially, it wasn't easy, I had to learn skills in how to work the system of the financial office...and worked also....just getting that diploma was an ego trip in itself.
There is something about accomplishing something that gives you a buzz no drug can touch.
If I had my life to live over...I would not have waited so long and I'd have gone for more training in other fields...a chef..a beautician...agriculture.....vetinary.....carpentry even. A taste of the skills and meeting the masters of those crafts and others on the same road.
Now, as to making decisions that backfire on me.....and more honestly making decisions I know I will regret or pay for later in some way.....I have never yet gotten that particular aspect of myself cured of yet.
quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Maybe one of the few ways out of that is mere activism. You have your life at work and your life at home. Change at least one of them.
Once you're done with it, even more thinking is not going to get you anywhere, is it? The point is that you need something to live for: Something to look forward to when you're working, or a job you're not loathing when you wake up in the morning. And it's do-able. Really.
'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion
Thank-you guys. It felt really good to get that stuff out.. Its funny, because I already know what you guys are talking about....advice, even though I know its right, is very hard to take. Its easy to listen, but it takes a strong person to become "activated". But I am trying and I know I will eovercome these issues I have....I just need to voice it out somtimes for my own sanity....
We should of brought a bag of rocks....
I think that a lot of people in this world get stuck in ruts, too caught up in their own success (or lack of it) to change.
Everybody probably feels like that at some time or another - down and out and not being able to change. Some are stuck because it is what they have always done, others are stuck because their actions are expected of them. Each of us has our own reason, our own impetus to remain in a personal hell.
The best thing to do is more or less what they said. I, personally, find that it helps to get away from humanity and its entrapping works in concrete and silicon - get up in the hills and out in the trees. Spending a few hours a week hiking, biking, or running in the wild is like a spiritual cleansing.
you can come to terms and realize, you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself -Pearl Jam