Reading Love and Lifesense

Mar 13, 2003 06:21 # 9428

rezonance *** is unsure about...

Confused..

90% | 4

Currently I am confused at the moment. I have been go out with a girl for 9 months now and it has come to the stage where I must act upon it. Well the story is that when I met her, I really liked her so I went out with her on a casual basis. We were friends at that time. After about 2 months became closer together. But at that time I didn't know that she had 2 other boyfriends. One guy who she doesn't like and the other she still sees. She doesn't want to leave them because they have been nice to her and she thinks its her 'obligation' not to break up with them. They don't know that I'm going out with her. The 1st guy doesn't know anything. The 2nd guy knows me but doesn't know that I'm going out with her.

Its hard for me to let go and we cannot be 'friends' because we will just get too close to each other again. I like her alot..but I don't know about the situation. Sometimes I get angry and upset because she still sees them because she cannot decide. But sometimes I feel loney without her. What should I do?

Mar 13, 2003 07:58 # 9429

Necrodeemer * replies...

Re: Confused..

71% | 2

Talk to the second guy about her. See how he feels about her. Obligations are just too hard to sort out when you try and talk to the person who has the obligation. Try to find out about the other guy and how he feels.

Get all the facts before you say or do anything.

When we must, we will

Mar 13, 2003 23:10 # 9444

Tremor *** replies...

Re: Confused..

94% | 3

Ouch...this is a difficult situation. I am going to tread carefully with what i say, and please look at the quote in my signature before following any of my advice, i am only recommending from my opinions and ideals.

How did you find out about her other boyfriends? Has she told you? I would advise you confront her, and not the other boyfriends, simply because if they catch on, they may not be very mature in handling the situation. I'm sure the last thing you want is for her to end up hurt by everyone. Tell her you do not want to be trapped in a relationship if she cannot decide between the guys she likes. To put it blankly, i think you need to be firm, but understanding when you say you cannot continue as you are. Reassure her you like her and don't want to pressure her, but it is unfair of you to have to 'share' if you two really are that close. And it may still be possible to be friends afterwards, shoudl be break up. You just need to make sure you keep a suitable distance. Boy, i make it sound like that would be easy ^^;

It is entirely normal in what you are feeling. You are somewhat frightened of being alone, and when you realise you are in a relationship for this reason, alarm bells should go off. I believe relationships should be because you enjoy being with the person and want to feel closer to them, not because you are insecure or feel lonely without a girlfriend.

I hope this has helped somewhat, but you need to do something. Hanging on like you are is not doing anyone any justice in the long run. It will be painful if you have to let go, but time heals all wounds, and if you look for happiness with your friends, you should find having a girlfriend is not the be-all end-all or life. :)

"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing" - Socrates


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